Joni
by jambled
Summary: An old college friend of Kirsten returns with startling consequences. Disturbing themes.
1. Joni's Return

_A word of warning: This fic will contain disturbing, adult themes. If you don't think you can cope with inflicted violence on women and rape scenarios, you should consider finding a different story to read. _

_Not mine, never will be. Joni and Rob, I will claim. If you want to use them, let me know. _

_As always, reviewers are worshipped for their contribution. _

There was a woman standing outside the door, smoking a thin, unfiltered cigarette and looking at the ground. Seth looked at her, looked at the baggage spread around her feet, surmised that he should perhaps recognize this woman, but didn't. She was roughly his mom's age. Her hair was dyed black, judging by the blonde roots that were showing through. Her nails were bitten and her blue eyes, when she finally looked up, were bloodshot and tearstained.

"Uhm, hello." Seth said. He didn't let go of his grip on the doorknob.

"Hi. Is Kirst around?" She gave his mom a nickname he had never heard before; his mother wasn't really the type to garner nicknames. The only one she had that he knew of was reluctantly accepted, adorned by his grandfather, answered to with gritted teeth.

"Yeah, let me just grab her." Seth turned around to leave, turned back to either invite her in or swing the door shut again, thought against this as he turned, swiftly turned again and paused briefly before he started for his mother's office. Ever since she'd been home from Suriak, she'd been alternating between gardening, attempting to cook and cleaning out her office.

"Mom, someone's at the door for you." Seth knocked at her office door, although it was ajar. She was standing over a shredder, feeding it from a large stack of paper that she'd piled on her desk. Her hair was loose, only just hiding gaunt cheekbones which became more apparent as she tucked it behind her ears before she turned and smiled at him.

"Who is it?" Kirsten followed him out of the office, shut the door behind them as Seth shrugged.

"Okay, thanks." Kirsten shook her head behind him as Seth offered a wave over his shoulder. "We'll be in the lounge room." He said as they went separate ways at the hallway. Kirsten smoothed her hair before she walked into sight of the doorway. She was expecting Charlotte maybe, or a Newpsie that Seth had conveniently forgotten. What she didn't expect was Joni Cadwell, the girl she'd shared so much with at college when they were both still relatively hopeful about life and where it was going to take them. Now, over twenty years later, she was standing at the door, still smoking the cigarettes they used to share over strong espresso while they talked about the world and what kind of impact they were going to make on it. She wondered if Joni had achieved any of her goals.

"Joni!" Kirsten rushed forward, on impulse hugged her friend. The hug she got in return was as strong as she remembered, the kind of hug they would give each other when both were drunk in a nightclub and had just reunited after being dragged to opposite corners of the dance floor in the thrust and pull of gyrating bodies.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" Kirsten asked, pulling back. She noticed the luggage for the first time.

"Do you need somewhere to stay?" Joni looked into her eyes for the first time and Kirsten felt like she was pulled back through time, back to when Joni used to show up, in tears, freshly bruised from the latest guy she'd hooked up with. It was a vicious cycle that Kirsten, and other assorted friend's best efforts had never been able to pull her out of.

"God. Again?" She pulled Joni inside, yelled to the boys who reluctantly appeared.

"Can you take these bags up to the guest room. Please?" Kirsten gave them a smile as they dragged themselves towards the door.

"So this is where you ended up?" Joni looked around herself as Kirsten led her through to the kitchen. She wasn't sure whether it was with awe, jealousy or some other emotion she couldn't place.

"Yes. Tea, coffee?" Kirsten asked. Joni leant on the counter, wiped her eyes.

"Coffee. I'm sorry to just show up. It was the only place I could think of that he didn't…" Kirsten picked up both filled coffee mugs, motioned for Joni to follow her outside. She didn't want the boys to hear whatever Joni was going to say. She was sure Ryan had heard or seen much worse but, as silly as it seemed, she wanted to shield Seth from whatever Joni had to say about why she was crying and walking so stiffly.

They were both settled on the outside table, had looked over the sinking sun for several minutes before Joni started speaking.

"I'm so sorry, Kirst, I know we haven't spoken in years… I managed to find Taryn's number and she told me where you were. I didn't want to come here, but you were the only person I could think of that could help me…" Joni sniffled, looked down into her coffee cup as she wrapped her hands around it.

"It's okay." Kirsten reached out a hand, was surprised by the ferocity with which Joni gripped it. After more than ten years in Newport, living in a bubble world where friends were more like distant acquaintances and aloofness was a way of life, Kirsten had forgotten what real friendship felt like, how strong the connection could be.

"It's okay, really. Just tell me what happened." Joni wiped at her eyes again, her sleeve catching on the edge of the table so that it rode up, allowing Kirsten to see the deep purple marks on her arms.

"It was Rob. We met… A few years ago." Kirsten felt sudden sadness at the way in which she didn't know what was going on in Joni's life. They'd called themselves soul sisters- Joni had been a bridesmaid at Kirsten's wedding, although she'd worn extra makeup on her shoulders to hide the bruises inflicted by the latest boyfriend. After Sandy and Kirsten had moved in together, it had become harder to keep in touch with friends they had made through college. It was as if becoming a couple had isolated them from everyone else. Joni, too, had faded into the background.

"He was great. I really thought he was different… You know, than…" She trailed off and Kirsten remembered what she was thinking of. She never quite knew how Joni, the laughing socialite who, pre-Sandy, made her dress up every weekend, regardless of whether they had any place to go out or not, always ended up with men who hurt her. Sometimes they hurt her only with words but, more often than not, she ended up with bruises and, on one occasion, broken bones. She seemed to attract them without knowing how, seemed to radiate something that made her all too susceptible to the charms of cruel men.

"I know." Kirsten gave her hand a squeeze, encouragement to continue.

"Well, he was great. He was gorgeous. He was so kind… We moved in together after a few months. It was happy for a year. Then… I don't know, he ended up like the rest. But he was different, he apologized." Joni's eyes searched Kirsten's, looking, perhaps, for an absolution that Kirsten couldn't provide. She wasn't going to tell Joni that it was right to let a man hit her, and then explain it away with a bunch of roses in his arms.

"Anyway, we stayed together for another few months but I left. My wrist, he… Broke it." Kirsten sighed, reached out her other hand to use it to cover Joni's.

"That leaves a gap of a few years. What happened?" Kirsten asked. Joni half shrugged, took a look out at the dying sun.

"There were a few years when I was on my own. I had a good job, at a publishing firm, then he came back. I tried to avoid him, tell him to go away but…" At this, Joni sighed, looked distant for a moment while she paused. "I just remembered how good it was when it was good. He was so… Well, you know. So we tried it again, but… Same thing as before, without the apologies. I tried to leave, but he got me back, threatened my sister, trashed my car. I thought he'd kill me. And then…" A repressed sob suddenly broke free from Joni's throat. Kirsten let the silence build, used it to move closer to Joni. Whatever the next truth was, she was sure it wouldn't be pleasant.

"I found out I was pregnant and he… He just snapped when I told him. I thought he'd be happy, thought it would make things better…"

"The baby..?" Kirsten asked, almost not wanting to know.

"He beat me so badly and I just wouldn't stop bleeding… Oh god, my baby…" Joni was openly sobbing, and Kirsten leaned in to embrace her. She couldn't believe it had come to this, couldn't believe something like that had happened to someone she knew, to Joni. They'd giggled together in college, swapped clothes and shoes like sisters, been each other's emergency backup on dates that went wrong, swapped sex tips gleaned from magazines as well as real life experience. They'd been best friends, almost able to read one another's thoughts. Joni had always known when Kirsten was upset, had appeared with a bottle of wine and a shoulder she could cry on. After both being evicted from their apartments because of unpaid rent, they'd lived briefly in a mail truck together, before Kirsten had met Sandy and moved in with him. She couldn't remember now why they had stopped being such close friends.

"Shhh…" Kirsten felt for Joni's loss, thought briefly of the child she had aborted by choice. As Joni's sobs eased slightly, back to hiccups, Kirsten lifted a hand to wipe her own tears, shed largely for Joni but also for herself, the guilt she felt at not being able to help, at Joni having to face something like this alone.

"I went to hospital for a while… He found me, threatened to kill me again so I left and found you. I don't know what to do next, he's going to kill me if he finds out where I am… I'm so sorry, but I don't think he'd know who you were, where you lived. I just need to heal a little before I find somewhere else to go." Joni's sobs started in again, and Kirsten stroked her hair, remembering when it had been flame red. They'd both dyed their hair, painted their lips to match and descended upon an unsuspecting public. Neither had needed to pay for any drinks that night. Kirsten wondered briefly what had happened to that girl, the one who had changed her hair colour at will and laced up thigh high boots with hot pink laces. She supposed she'd lost her somewhere between meeting Sandy and moving back to Newport.

"It's okay, Joni. Whatever you need, stay here as long as you like. I'll tell the gatesmen to keep an eye out for him, and he won't find you here, okay?" Kirsten held Joni back from her as they looked at each other's eyes, finding a flicker of whatever it was that had drawn them together that first week at college, although it was almost hidden amongst the history both held. Joni, and her addiction to men who hit and Kirsten, with her various vices… Alcohol… Carter…

"Thank you. Really, thank you. I knew… I could always count on you, Kirst." Joni leant back on Kirsten's shoulder, but instead of sobbing, lay quietly. The darkening hue of the sky made the shadows blend with the air, placing a sooty layer over everything. Finally, as the shadows lengthened to black, and lights appeared in the house, Joni sat up.

"I might have a shower…" Kirsten got up, waited for Joni, put an arm around her as they went inside. She saw the boys sitting on the couch, knew they were sneaking surreptitious glances, wondering who the woman was who had come in and so abruptly burst into tears.

"I've put you in the guest room. My room is just downstairs and down the hall. If you need anything, just ask. Feel free to treat this place as your own, okay?" Kirsten gave her a final hug at the doorway to the guest room, once again reminded of a friendship that should have been kept alive with more effort, rather than placed on a backburner when life got in the way. Maybe if Joni had known she had somewhere to go sooner, maybe… As if knowing what she was thinking, Joni returned the hug just as intensely.

"There was nothing anyone could do. It's just… it's always me. How many times before have you had to pick up the pieces? I've missed you, Kirst." Joni shuffled into the guest room, and Kirsten walked downstairs. She reached the bottom of the stairs before she had to brace herself against the hand rail. She slowly sank to the bottom step as she felt the full weight of what she had been told hit her. God, not Joni. Not her baby. Kirsten gasped as quietly as she could, felt the tears coming faster. She wiped her eyes quickly as she heard what she assumed was Seth coming down the hall. It was Ryan.

"Uh, are you okay?" He asked. Kirsten managed a shaky smile, not wanting Ryan to think anything was wrong. She knew he wouldn't buy it.

"I'm fine." Kirsten turned her head away, wiped the last of her tears. She managed to stand, but still felt like her legs were going to slide out from under her.

"I was just going to get a DVD from Seth's room…" Ryan let his thought trail off.

"It's okay, Ryan. Just an old friend with some… bad news." Sandy chose that moment to walk through the door. Kirsten managed another smile, hoped he wouldn't call her on the tear stains that must be one her cheeks, reflected in her eyes.

"Kirsten, Ryan. Sorry I'm home late… The new guy is a real pain, every t must be crossed, every i dotted. Honey…" Ryan chose that moment to escape as Sandy made his way over to kiss Kirsten.

"What's wrong?" He said quietly. Kirsten leaned in to hug him, needed to feel his solid warmth to ground her.

"Joni's here. Taryn told her where I was… She needs to stay for a while. She…" Kirsten remembered she hadn't told Sandy much about her life pre-him. He wouldn't know about Joni's track record, her abundance of past relationships that always ended, and for a large part were sustained, through tears.

"Her last relationship kind of ended on bad terms, and she needs somewhere to feel safe." Sandy nodded.

"Are you okay with this?" Sandy's voice was concerned and Kirsten was again reminded of her past mistake, the way Sandy was watching her and trying to keep her from anything that would send her back into an alcohol-induced, inebriated spin. Kirsten nodded slowly, managed a smile that wasn't so fake. Sandy kissed her on the forehead.

"So, have you made us any culinary delights, my darling?" Kirsten managed another smile as they walked into the kitchen, his arm heavy and warm around her shoulders.

"I don't want to drive Joni away. Take out tonight I think. Your choice." Kirsten leaned in as he hugged her again, thinking of how close she had been to losing this, losing him.

"I'll call now." Sand pulled the menus out of the drawer and started perusing them. Ryan passed on his way back to the lounge room, and Kirsten followed him in.

"Guys, the woman, Joni… She's a friend of mine from college, she's going to stay with us for a while."

"Awesome, do we get to press her for stories about you in your college days?" Kirsten gave Seth a look, and he quietened.

"She's been through a rough… time." Kirsten looked down until she felt the tears recede.

"It's okay, Mom. She's in the folds of Cohen love now." Seth finished speaking and looked vaguely disgusted.

"Maybe that wasn't the best choice of words… Anyway, we'll play nice." Kirsten smiled, nodded, before going back into the kitchen.

"Chance to find out about The Kirsten in her wild child days." Seth's eyes were animated as he looked over at Ryan. Ryan just shook his head.

"Hey." Joni said softly as she entered the kitchen. Kirsten had been pouring herself an ice water, got out a glass for Joni. Sandy had disappeared to shower before dinner was delivered.

"Hey." She replied, handing over the chilled glass. Joni accepted it gratefully, moved over to sit at the table.

"I didn't mean to burden you with all this." Joni said. Kirsten smiled.

"It's okay. Really." There was silence between them, but it was comfortable, familiar. The doorbell rang, and Sandy's voice echoed down the hall.

"I'll get it," she heard him yell, got up to busy herself putting out plates and cutlery. Joni got up to help but Kirsten waved her back down. As soon as Sandy arrived with the takeout, Ryan and Seth magically appeared at the table.

"Joni, this is Ryan, Seth." Kirsten motioned to each of them with the placemats she was holding.

"Hey." Ryan and Seth both said. Joni nodded, affronted with the images of Kirsten's children, images of what she could have had years from now.

"Hey, Joni, how are you?" Sandy arrived with his arms laden with food. Seth and Ryan relieved him quickly, digging through to find their favourite types.

"Hey, Sandy."

"Moo shui?" Sandy asked, offering Joni a container. She smiled, took it, grateful to be part of this well rehearsed family routine. She caught Kirsten looked at her concernedly, gave her a slight nod, letting her know that, while not okay, she was on the path towards that.


	2. Memories Resurface

Joni had claimed tiredness after dinner and, after being turned away from cleaning up, had gone straight to bed. Kirsten had hung around the kitchen, enjoying easy banter between herself and her three favourite men before heading upstairs to talk to Joni. She knew she wouldn't be asleep yet, knew she'd be tormented by her thoughts, knew she herself still had trouble sleeping with her own thoughts of how everything had gone so wrong.

"Joni." Kirsten opened the door, saw the room was dark.

"I'm still awake." Her voice sounded weary in the darkness. Kirsten quietly shut the door behind herself, moved to the bed. Joni shuffled aside to make room for her, and Kirsten lay down. She remembered how they had done this long ago, although with incense burning. They'd always wind down like this the night after a night out. They'd tell each other what they'd done, if they'd been separated, would move onto talking about music, the uncertainty of the future, why life was the way it was.

"How are you doing?" Kirsten pulled her pillow into a more comfortable position, hugged her knees to her, knew Joni would be mirroring her.

"I… Don't know. But, again, I want to thank you. I mean it, Kirst. Why did we lose touch?" The words were spoken to a darkened room, fell around Kirsten, made her wonder, not for the first time, why she and Joni had drifted apart so easily.

"I don't know." Kirsten answered her honestly, felt a hand come out to capture hers in the darkness.

"Would you stay… Just until I fall asleep?" Joni's voice was childlike.

"Of course." Kirsten listened to Joni's breath in the darkness, waited until it deepened, lengthened, before detangling their hands and leaving.

"Thought you were never coming to bed." Sandy was still awake, the bedside lamps both on. The kitchen had been dark when she walked past, everyone, she assumed, asleep.

"Mmm." Kirsten went into the bathroom to clean her teeth, returned to Sandy minty fresh and pyjama clad.

"Joni okay?" Sandy asked as Kirsten climbed into bed. She pulled the doona up and reached out a hand to pull Sandy down so they were the same level, eyes meeting each other's. She felt so safe in moments like these, so protected by Sandy.

"She came out of a bad relationship. She was pregnant and… He beat her so hard she had a miscarriage."

"Oh god," Sandy's words were more a breath of air than actual syllables, but Kirsten felt his shock.

"She'll be okay, I think. She just needs some time to heal."

"Well, if the Cohen's know how to do anything, it's how to take a wounded creature and make it whole again." Kirsten gave him a look, and Sandy shrugged.

"Couldn't resist, honey. We're a family of nurturers." Kirsten smiled, and leaned in to kiss him. They both reached out to turn off their respective lamps.

The next morning, Kirsten woke early, before Sandy had even rolled out of bed to go surfing. She sat up slowly, reached for her pyjamas and robe. Dawn was just beginning to break, filtering hazy light into the room. She padded out to the kitchen to make coffee, decided instead on tea when she got there. No longer having to deal with the Newport Group, Kirsten found herself less dependant on a morning caffeine kick than she had been. Kirsten opened the doors on to the deck quietly, paused a moment to look over at the poolhouse. Ryan, it seemed, was still deep in dreams. She wondered idly if Dawn had been the same type of person as Joni, attracting callous men. She wondered if, had Joni had a child, it would have ended up having the same amount of suffering Ryan had lived through before Sandy had brought him here. She sat at the table, stretched one leg out and brought the other up to rest on the chair, her knee against her chest. As much as she hated being up at this hour if she hadn't got a full night's sleep, she did love the crisp feel of early morning, before humidity rolled in. She loved the house silent with slumber, knowing everyone was safely asleep.

"Morning." Joni wandered in. She didn't have a robe on, and was wearing loony tunes pyjamas. Her arms, showing under the short sleeves, held a tattoo of bruises, some still purple, others faded hues of yellow and light blue. Joni looked down at them, rubbed them wearily.

"I forgot my robe." She paused, crossed her arms, "I've almost forgotten what it looks like to have skin that's all the one colour." She gave a sad smile, and Kirsten unfolded herself from the chair, wordlessly handing over her own robe before resuming the same position. Joni smiled a little wider, took it, thankfully covering up the evidence of Rob.

"There's coffee on, or tea. Cereal, juice, bagels." Kirsten listed an assortment of breakfast items, knowing how inadequate it was against how Joni must be feeling. She didn't want to turn into a mother figure, knew she was here to help Joni more as a friend than anything. Offer boundless support, but not coddle her. Joni had never responded well to coddling, had been more likely to walk out of a friend's house back into the arms of whomever had taken out their anger on her in the first place if she was smothered.

"Sit down, I'll find something." Joni looked in the cereal cupboard before she found the mugs, poured herself a large cup of coffee, came to join Kirsten at the table.

"This is a nice house." She said, settling into small talk. Kirsten had known they couldn't immediately go back to the way they were; too much water had rushed under the bridge to allow this to happen, but she had thought, from last night, that they might be past useless small talk. Looking at Joni, she sensed that Joni knew this too, and they both laughed involuntarily.

"God, it's so weird. I mean, do you feel like we're as old as we are? I can't believe you've got two kids now…" Joni shook her head incredulously, took a sip out of her dangerously full cup.

"I know. Sometimes I don't feel like I've changed but then…" Kirsten shook her head, smiled as she caught sight of Sandy, in boardshorts and a sweater, towel around his neck, He came over to kiss her on top of the head.

"Morning, ladies." He said, then addressed Kirsten, "I'll be home a bit later tonight. I've pushed a few meetings back so I can catch the five footers they were predicting. Love you." He gave her a kiss on the lips, his tongue briefly snaking across hers.

"Love you too. 'Bye." Kirsten smiled after his retreating figure until he'd walked out the door.

"So, you and Sandy, still happily married I guess?" Joni asked. Kirsten thought for a moment, nodded.

"Things were a little rocky for a while… But I guess we're back on track now."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Joni asked. And, surprisingly, Kirsten did. She thought she would be all talked out- Sandy, the counsellors at Suriak, her sister, even Julie, but here was someone real, someone distanced from the situation, someone who, she knew, wouldn't judge.

"First, the boys left over summer. Ryan went back to Chino, where he's from… And Seth just ran away." Joni looked confused for a moment, and Kirsten tried to clear it up for her. "We adopted Ryan the year before last. Sandy took his case when he was still a public defender, and thought he needed more of a family than what he had. It was hard at first, but I can't imagine our family without him." Kirsten allowed herself a small smile. She really couldn't imagine the Cohen household without Ryan in it, couldn't imagine not thinking of herself as a mother of two. "Anyway, things between Sandy and I became… strained. The boys came back, but an old girlfriend of Sandy's showed up and…well, I thought Sandy had an affair. Still don't know that he didn't… I retaliated. His name was Carter. We didn't sleep together but there was something there… Sandy doesn't know anything happened, but I know he thinks something did. Then I started drinking too much, my father died and Sandy booked me into rehab. God, I'm so lucky he did." Kirsten shook her head, looked into her tea. She felt Joni beside her, absorbing what she had said.

"Well…" Joni started, stopped. "Sounds like you've had a pretty shitty year." Without being able to help herself, Kirsten started to laugh. A pretty shitty year was more of an understatement than anything, but it reminded her how much she'd missed Joni; with her own problems far outweighing Kirsten's, Joni could still listen to her and offer an opinion. Seconds later, Joni joined in, and they giggled uncontrollably. When they were composed enough to get their breath back, Kirsten made them both tea.

"Normal?" Joni asked, sniffing at the tea. Kirsten smiled.

"The smell of ginseng tea reminds me too much of the mail truck." Joni nodded, took a sip of tea.

"You have to admit, there were some good times. Remember when we had that guy knock on the truck, wanting to post a letter. And you answered the door in your underwear and told him it was the new dress code for Postal employees?" Joni laughed out loud, remembering the surprised look on his face when Kirsten had reached out, clothed in only the skimpy underwear she had worn out the night before.

"I'd forgotten that." Kirsten smiled absentmindedly, the memory jarring in her the realisation of how different she was now. Joni didn't notice her vagueness, continued her recollections.

"Or when we smoked so much weed that we thought aliens had landed on the roof. Or when we woke up under the mail truck because it was raining and we couldn't get in the door. Or when you brought that guy home… What was his name?" Joni looked thoughtful, snapped her fingers as she remembered.

"Conrad." Kirsten remembered the name. A guy she'd dated briefly, brought home several times, lost touch with.

"I thought you were still out, went to take a shower only to see you two naked and asleep on the shower floor." Kirsten joined in with Joni's laughter, remembering how drunk they'd been, thought it would be a good idea to take a shower but had fallen asleep before they'd even managed to turn the water on.

She laughed harder as she remembered Joni turning the cold water on, waking them both up, unable to notice that both Seth and Ryan had joined them in the kitchen.

"Mom, want to share the joke." Kirsten stopped laughing, wiped her eyes, smiled up at Seth.

"No chance." She said. Her son hearing about his mother's past would probably not set the right example for him. She knew he had no idea of some of the things she had gotten up to, probably wouldn't believe her if she told him. She'd kept from Sandy some of the most sordid details as well. Seth shrugged, his thoughts already on other things.

"So, Mom, we might need the car this afternoon. Ryan, I thought we'd head to the comic store today…"

"Can't, I've got to see Marissa."

"Well, after that. C'mon, man, we've missed the new Scholl comic, and I heard it was even better than Spiderman. Spiderman, Ryan."

"Bye, Kirsten. Joni." Ryan waved as he headed out the door, bag slung over his shoulder, apple in hand.

"Goodbye." Kirsten said, watching them as far down the hallway as her line of sight would allow. Seth turned as an afterthought, walked backwards as he talked, nearly tripping over Ryan in the process.

"Yeah, 'bye Mom. We might be home a little later if I can convince Ryan to drive us to the comic store. And, uh, Joni, well, have a… great day." Ryan obviously vetoed Seth's comic book store idea again, because Kirsten could still hear them arguing as they went out the door. It shut behind them, and again there was silence.

"They seem like great kids." Joni said. Kirsten nodded, wanting to talk about them, how well they got on, how amazing they were, but she knew it wasn't the time to brag about Seth and Ryan; not with the hurt of losing her own child so fresh in Joni's mind.

"So, how did you come to adopt Ryan?" Joni asked. Kirsten smiled, recounted a story she almost couldn't believe. When she told Joni about the model home burning down, Joni clapped a hand over her mouth, stifled laughter.

"Well, they actually sound pretty tame compared to some of the things we got up to," she remarked as Kirsten finished. Kirsten nodded, remembered Jimmy saying similar words.

"Give them time, they're not in college yet." Kirsten said, then smiled with her chin resting on her knee. Joni gave another short laugh and Kirsten knew she must be thinking about when they were younger, the parties they used to go to, crazy things they used to do together, thinking they were invincible.

"They are great, though." Joni finished the last of her tea, stood up before sadness could pin her down.

"I'm going to go for a shower."

"Just look under the sink for anything you need. Shampoo, soap…" Kirsten called after Joni. She sat alone, finishing her tea before deciding to shower as well. Sandy was still surfing, would probably go from there straight to the office. She knew he kept a spare suit there in case he ever got caught up enjoying the waves.

Kirsten gathered up their cups, took them over to the sink. She decided to shower, be ready to see what Joni wanted to do with the day.

When she was sitting back at the table, wearing faded jeans and a singlet, Joni reappeared, hair washed, arms appropriately covered. She draped the robe over a dining chair, declined the offer of a drink or something to eat.

"So, guess what I brought with me?" Joni's eyes lit up a second before she left the table. Kirsten waited, sipping an orange juice, before Joni came back, a large black photo album in her arms.

"No." Kirsten said, thinking of some of the photos that would be in there. Morning after pictures that should never see the light of day were at the forefront of her mind.

"Trust me, they're not that bad. And you won't believe what I've got…" Joni pulled out a list, with her and Kirsten's initials at the top and, beneath that, other initials.

"Oh my god, the conquest list." Kirsten took it, running a finger down her side of the list, from J.C. to H.R.

"You gave it to me so Sandy wouldn't find it, wonder what it was. I've always held onto it." Joni's list was more extensive, encompassing a longer amount of time. Kirsten walked to the sideboard and pulled out a pen. She added S.C. after H.R. in her side of the column. She'd never put Sandy on there; usually waited until relationships had ended to add to her list.

"Who was H.R.? " Joni asked.

"Harrod Richards. My dad was friends with his father. He looked me up when he came to study at Berkeley. You never met him. Mail trucks weren't really his thing." Kirsten shrugged, handed the list back to Joni, who tucked it into the middle of the album. She pulled a chair around to sit next to Kirsten at the head of the table, opened to the first page.

"God," Kirsten said, noticing the hair. She'd worn her hair long in those days, had never bothered styling it so it hung in waves.

"I know, look at the lengths of the skirts! And the hair…" Joni pointed at her own head, her natural colour of blonde almost as light as Kirstens'. They'd looked so similar back then, the main distinguishing feature being their body type. Kirsten had always been waifish, whereas Joni had liked her food, been more curvaceous. Their skirts were shorter than was allowed back then, showing two sets of bronzed legs. Kirsten had a cigarette in her hand, was about to take a drag when the photograph had been taken.

"I think we were going to a mixer. Maybe with the frat guys…?" Joni looked up as she heard the front door bang, started to stand.

"I'll get it, it's probably one of the boys forgetting something." Kirsten got up from the chair, looked down the hallway to see the front door standing open. With the gatesmen, security was usually not an issue and they left the door unlocked more often than not. As she walked down towards the door and felt a breeze through the empty hall, Kirsten fel the hairs at the back of her neck prickle. She'd put thoughts of Rob trying to track Joni down at the back of her mind, had decided that denial was a very effective coping mechanism. She didn't know how he would have tracked Joni down, how he would know about Kirsten or where she lived, but she felt uneasy nonetheless.

Kirsten peered out the front door, unable to see anything that had been the reason for the door swinging open. The boys must not have latched it properly, and it must have swung open. She shrugged, shut it, walked back down to Joni at the table.

It was the sight of the gun that made her stop, want to turn and run. Joni's frightened eyes kept her in place, the barrel of the angry looking gun jammed hard into her cheek, forcing her face sideways. Over her stood a man who reminded Kirsten of someone she couldn't place. He was tall and looked as if he worked outdoors. Unruly dark hair fell over his forehead, almost obscuring eyes that shone with a maniacal gleam that made Kirsten shiver and cross her arms.


	3. Road Trip

"Hey, gorgeous." His voice was lower than she'd expected, a rich baritone that reverberated around the room with a hint of an accent that could have been New Zealander or Australian. A voice that shouldn't have come from a man holding a gun to someone's head.

"So you're the rich bitch who's been hiding my Joni… My Joni who went on a bit of a run. But I've got her back now…" The hand that was not occupied with the gun was holding Joni's hair and he ripped it back as he spoke her name. She whimpered, and he pushed the gun more firmly so that it bit into her cheek.

"Kirsten, I think she said your name was…" Rob trailed the gun along Joni's jaw.

"Who?" Kirsten immediately thought of her sister, who was in another country and was unlikely to know anything. Her thoughts then immediately jumped to Julie, Summer, Marissa, anyone who might have known that the Cohen's had a houseguest.

"I think her name was Taryn… Ruined that cream carpet when she bled all over it, didn't she. Don't suppose it matters to her anymore…" Rob was silent for a moment, as if almost salivating over the moment he had killed Taryn. Finally, he spoke again.

"We're going to go for a bit of a drive." These words he addressed to Joni's ear before looking up at Kirsten, meeting terrified blue eyes with calmer brown ones.

"I'm guessing that SUV out the front is yours. Where are the keys?" Kirsten pointed towards her handbag on the kitchen bench. She'd brought it out from her room after she'd showered in case Joni had wanted to go out and do something.

"I'm guessing a nice suburban housewife like you doesn't have a gun in her purse. So I'm going to trust you to get your mobile phone out and hand it to me without trying to do anything brave. Remember, her brains will be on your wall if you so much as blink the wrong way." Kirsten nodded, walked slowly towards her handbag. She understood Joni's need to get away from this man. She was thankful the boys had left for school early, that Sandy had decided to go surfing this morning. She was hoping they wouldn't come back for any reason. She was sure that females didn't pose a risk to this man, but that another male would be seen as a threat that would have to be taken care of with bullets.

Her phone was on, the battery fully charged. If only she didn't have a flip phone she might have been able to call 911, delay for enough time so that they got her number and hang up before she handed the phone to him.

"That's it. Now, hand it over." He kept his gun to Joni's head, but let go of her hair to reach for the phone. Kirsten reached out with it, grasping only the edge with trembling fingertips, not wanting to let him touch her. Just as he grabbed it, Joni tried to pull away from him. Rob dropped the phone, reached out and yanked her hair. She was pulled back into the chair with a gasp, scrabbling hands pulling the photo album to the floor, memories of happier times fluttering at her feet.

"Don't. Do. That." Each word was punctuated by a harsh hit with the pistol, one to the eye, to the nose and to the mouth. Almost at once, Joni's lip split and blood trickled down her chin before dripping onto the album. Calmly, Rob reached down to pick up the phone, examining it for damage. He noted a scratch on the side before looking apologetically to Kirsten.

"It's not like you'll be needing it," he offered as a condolence before reaching behind him to put it in the sideboard draw.

"Anything else in that bag you could use to communicate with anyone? A beeper? Another phone?" Kirsten numbly shook her head, her eyes on Joni whose head was lolling back against the chair. Rob followed her line of vision, seeming to just notice the blood.

"God, you're disgusting." He moved around to the front of Joni, examined her with critical eyes.

"Throw me that dishrag," he ordered Kirsten. She meekly complied, kept as far away from him as possible when she handed it to him. He dabbed at Joni's lip, got off as much blood as possible before shoving it in his back pocket. He yanked Joni to her feet, held her by her hair as he trained the gun on Kirsten.

"Get your bag and take the keys out. Hold them and walk ahead of me to the door." She complied, began figuring ways in which she could hold the keys as a weapon, somehow turn around and stab him. It was only when she opened the front door that cold fear almost froze her; previously, she'd been in her own house, her own domain where physical harm had never been anything she'd had to consider. It was a safe place for her, especially the kitchen where she'd spent so much time with Ryan, Seth, Sandy…

"Now, open the back door of the car for me. You're going to be our chauffer." Rob slid into the backseat of the car, pulling Joni behind him. Kirsten opened the driver's door, slid in. She started the car up, jumped at a nudge to her shoulder.

"Don't think you can crash intentionally, or do anything that might hurt me. I'll discharge these bullets so fast into Joni's and your head that you'll be dead before the air bags can blow up. Besides, Kirsten, don't you want to come along to see what kind of fun we'll have?" She could see the gun that was pointed at her in the mirror, a cold snub barrel aiming for her heart. His smile in the rear view mirror looked normal, which made the blood in her veins run cold. She knew he could shoot her and feel no remorse about it. Because of this, she hadn't tried to beg for her life, figuring it would only antagonise him. As long as she was alive, she had a chance.

Kirsten took a last, long look at her house as she reversed away from it. She paused before putting the car in drive, wanting to cement the image of her home and everything it had contained in her memory. She didn't know if she'd see it again.

Another nudge from the gun made her move, driving down the driveway towards uncertainty, home gradually receding while the gun stayed pointed firmly on her and the road ahead.

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far; you guys make my day every time a review lands in my inbox! Please keep it up! Hope you enjoyed this. Meanwhile, just to add a completely self-serving plug; I've uploaded some new fics, so check 'em out! _


	4. Dehisce

He instructed her to drive slowly until they hit the highway, then told her to floor it once they were heading north to Mexico. He seemed relaxed even though they were doing a good twenty miles over the speed limit. Kirsten tried to ease off, knowing that if a police officer pulled them up, the chances of survival for all of them were slim, but he nudged her shoulder with the gun, prompting her to pick up the speed. Occasionally, Kirsten would glance in the mirror, finding Joni staring out the window, her eyes vacant. Rob was looking at the road ahead with slitted eyes, looking languid and relaxed.

"Can I turn the radio on?" Kirsten was sick of the silence, was hoping that some music, the voice of the DJ, the weather report, might distract her from the thought that she might never see Sandy, Seth or Ryan again. She'd been driving for close to an hour and this thought had been taunting her in time to the swish of the road under the tires.

"Sure." Rob nodded, sounded as if they were only on a road trip, friends all. Kirsten reached out, pushed the on button and adjusted the volume.

She had been in the overtaking lane almost the whole trip, whipping past most cars at a speed that attracted honking horns and raised fingers. Passing the latest line of cars, she noticed an unmarked police car. Swearing under her breath, Kirsten braked slightly and changed lanes before feeling the cold gun barrel behind her ear.

"Cops." She said, motioning with her head towards the car that was now slightly ahead of them, two lanes over. Rob put the gun below the line of sight, keeping it levelled at Kirsten.

"Very noble of you to point them out. Now speed up. If they pull us over, you say nothing except yes, officer. You graciously take whatever ticket they give you, and then we keep going. As long as you can understand that, no one will get hurt." Kirsten pulled back into the fast lane, pushed her foot nearly to the floor. She was rewarded with the thrum of the motor intensifying, the large car shooting forward, speeding up rapidly. She looked in the rear view mirror, could see one police officer motioning to the other before they flicked on the dash light and pursued her. Kirsten pulled off to the side of the road when it was safe, turned off the engine, wound down her window. One of the police officers approached the car while the other was on the radio, she assumed checking her licence plate.

"Morning." The officer leant on the window, acting nonchalant. Kirsten smiled at him, not speaking, trying not to look into his eyes lest he see her terror, make her get out of the car, get them both shot.

"May I see your licence please?" Kirsten pulled it out of her purse, handed it over. The officer grabbed it, gave it a cursory glance before looking at her face to make sure she really was Kirsten Grace Cohen.

"One moment." He sauntered back to the other police officer, conferred for a moment. Kirsten watched them nervously in the mirror, unconsciously twisting her wedding rings, needing to move her hands for fear that if she just left them in her lap they would tremble uncontrollably.

"You know you were doing 110 in an 80 zone?" The officer asked. Kirsten nodded, looked straight ahead.

"I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that, since this isn't your first driving offence in the last 8 months." Kirsten nodded again, still refusing to meet his eyes. He leant on the bonnet of the car to write the ticket, handed it to her with her licence. A cursory glance into the back drew a wave from Rob. Kirsten didn't know where the gun was hidden, but knew that it would be somewhere he could reach quickly. She knew, too, that to jump out of the car screaming might save herself, allow the officers to kill Rob, but he would have time to shoot Joni. It was a death Kirsten didn't want to have on her conscience for the rest of her life.

"Thank you." Kirsten said as she accepted the ticket and licence, shoving them both back into her bag. She waited until the police officer was back in his car before slotting the car into a break in the onrushing traffic.

"That was great. You're a natural." Rob was enthusiastic, as if Kirsten had acted out a scene from Grease Lightning, rather than doing as instructed with a gun to her back. She didn't reply, didn't trust her voice to be able to speak with a quiver. The last thing she wanted to give this despicable creature was the satisfaction of knowing she was terrified.

"I need you to take the next exit, then follow the signs marked east. We need to head inland." Kirsten nodded, looked in the rear view mirror to see his eyes looking at her. They were crinkled at the edges, from a smile she was sure would look unsettlingly normal. Kirsten took the exit, beginning to realise his plan. He was avoiding all overhead road cameras, and was taking them on a loop that would probably put them south east of Newport. If she was reported missing, and if the police were smart enough to check their database, they'd see she got a speeding ticket on the road to Mexico, and would, as logic directed them, make their enquiries towards that area. Kirsten began to feel despair tinging her thoughts, opening up a black depression that she felt looming over her mind. She had failed Joni. She had failed Seth and Ryan, because she'd put them in jeopardy by trying to help Joni. She'd failed Sandy by allowing herself to be taken captive by this madman. Kirsten shook her head. Wasn't it better that she was still alive, still breathing and able to make plans rather than lying in her driveway, leaking blood from fatal bullet wounds?

"I'll need you to drive at the speed limit here." Rob's words roused her from imagining herself lying crumpled, eyes facing the sky, palms up on the front steps. His words also confirmed her worst fears; that he was putting the police off their trail, as if it was part of a bigger plan.

Kirsten obediently slowed, pulled the car in behind a Porsche 911. She could see the occupants, an older couple with too much tanning time under their belts. The woman was talking animatedly, throwing her hands up to punctuate the points she was making, dyed red hair swirling in the breeze. The Porsche sped up, the sight of it lost in the traffic ahead. Another two hours passed, the noon sun searing the black car, prompting Kirsten to turn the AC on. She directed it back to Rob and Joni, was rewarded with another smile. She was worried about Joni. She'd known she was struggling to hold it together when she'd shown up at the house. A night spent feeling safe had worked wonders on her, but now, with Rob back, Joni seemed to have slipped into a catatonia that Kirsten feared she might not come out of.

A Solomon Burke song came on, reminding Kirsten too much of Sandy. This morning, the kiss in the kitchen, seemed like so long ago. She wondered if it was their last kiss, felt tears forming in her eyes. She blinked, let them slip down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. She didn't want to alert Rob, make him taunt her, or worse, touch her, offer empty compassion, kindness he did not posses.

Another few hours passed. Kirsten looked at the fuel gauge, saw the needle was almost resting on empty.

"We need more fuel." She said. Rob leant forward over her shoulder, forcing her to lean sideways while he checked for himself.

"Pull into the next service station. Do you have enough cash?" He asked. Kirsten drove with one hand, ruffled in her bag with the other. She could find fifty dollars, which Rob took, his fingers lingering on hers until she pulled away. There was a side road, a sign with the universal pump picture on it. Kirsten pulled off the motorway, drove up beside a tank.

"Take the keys out, then get out of the car." Rob waited until Kirsten was standing outside before he eased himself away from Joni and joined her. Kirsten could see a bulge at his pocket, assumed it was the gun. He saw her looking, nodded.

"I'll pump if you wash the windscreen." Rob turned towards the petrol pump. Kirsten walked slowly over to the windscreen washer bucket. At this time of day, most people were coming home from work, their cars already fuelled up. Travellers were stopped off in picnic spots, eating pre-packed lunches. The service station was largely deserted, except for a van at the far pump. Kirsten trudged back to the car, wearily began washing the windscreen. There was nothing she could do without risking the lives of others. She didn't want to run off, knowing that Joni was still with him, especially when Joni was like this, unresponsive, vague.

Kirsten finished the windscreen, had to reach to ease the wipers back into position. The pump clicked off, and Rob walked with her to take the washer back. A family had pulled up beside them, the father getting out to pump the gas while the mother quieted the twin girls in the backseat. Kirsten looked away from them, not wanting to involve them in her hell.

"Good girl," Rob said, as he saw her look away from them. He rested an arm around her shoulder, which she winced at. She didn't want his hands on her, didn't want anyone to think they were together. As if sensing her thoughts, he pulled them closer before walking them into the convenience store, up to the clerk.

"Number seven," Rob cited the pump number, waited while the man at the desk did something with his computer before quoting the total. Kirsten looked around while Rob was paying, noticed the security camera in the corner.

"Sandy, I love you," she mouthed silently at it, not knowing if it was working or if he would ever get her message. Rob put the change in his pocket and smiled at the clerk as they walked out. He even let go of Kirsten's shoulders to hold the door open for the man with the twins. Kirsten almost made a run for it then, wanting to get into the car and drive her and Joni back home, but she imagined Rob shooting the man, and she didn't want those twin girls to grow up without their father.

Once they were back in the car, Kirsten turned it back on, pulled back out into the traffic. Rob told her to take the next south exit, which she did. Another hour and they would probably be drawing level with Newport, although they'd be hours inland. The four o'clock news came on, bringing news of armed robberies, destruction of government property and the latest offerings the politicians were bringing to the table. Ryan and Seth would probably be out with Marissa and Summer, or at the new comic book store if Seth had his way. The last words she'd said to them was goodbye, which seemed vaguely fitting, considering where she was now. At least she'd told Sandy that she loved him.

"Take the next left, through the town." Kirsten obliged, knowing there was an overhead camera on the motorway that Rob would want to avoid. He directed her through the small town, the sign of which she'd missed. She usually didn't come this far inland, generally keeping to the coast, or when she did take a trip, flew to New York or somewhere as far away from Newport. They came back out onto a main road, the sweeping lanes shimmering mirage in the last heat of the day. Sandy would be finishing work now, but he'd mentioned being home later. With her bag, and the car missing, Kirsten knew he'd figure she was just out somewhere with Joni, would arrive home after him. She wondered how long it would be before he began to worry.

"Speed up." Rob said. Kirsten once again complied, knowing she had no choice in the matter. They passed little traffic aside from several oncoming lorries with bored looking people driving them. A sign came up, 'Dehisce, next left'.

"Take the next left." It put them onto a single lane road, the scrubby bushland surrounding coming claustrophobically close to the car. Another sign proclaimed the name of the town, followed by an unreadable number before the word 'population'. Judging by the grubbiness of the sign, as well as the various ruts and potholes in the road that had forced her to slow down, Kirsten didn't think they were about to enter a thriving metropolis. Nonetheless, she stayed on the lookout for a police station, a bar, something habited by other people. She caught sight of a greengrocer's on the corner, an auto repair shop with several overalled men working within. No one took any notice of the black SUV and, not for the first time, Kirsten felt despair stirring again.

The lengthening shadows almost obscured the dirt road Rob made her turn down. Kirsten slowed further, bumping past stubby mailboxes marking other entrances which branched off from the road they were following. No more than five miles in, Rob directed her down one such entrance. Another few miles passed before the trees thinned out, and Kirsten could make out a house set amongst the trees. It was mainly square, two-storey. She wished Seth had never talked her into watching the latest Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie, because she could imagine walking in to find strung up bodies, scattered teeth and an overabundance of blood.

"Park behind the house." Kirsten followed the driveway around, saw it encircled the whole house before meeting back up with the track they'd come in on. She pulled up next to the back steps and turned the car off. She didn't want to get out of the car, leave another place that felt familiar to her, but she was forced out of the car. Rob pulled Joni out after him, and she stood dully while he shut the door.

"Home, sweet home," he proclaimed, before walking up to the house. Kirsten followed, the keys in her hand. She could run now, while he had his hands full with Joni but again, loyalty prevailed as she trailed them up the stairs, from the oncoming twilight outside to the darkness within.


	5. The Couch

_Forewarning: This chapter has a scene in it that most people will probably find very disturbing. I felt it needed to be written, but for those who don't want to read it, wait for the next chapter, or read as far as the pasta scene. Thanks, and as always, please review._

The house was untended inside; dirt had blown in from the cracks in the walls, and there were cobwebs scattered around inside, the spiders scrambling from sight as Rob, Joni and Kirsten entered. It smelt slightly musty inside, and held the same kind of echoing silence empty houses had. The furniture was threadbare and rare. A small table in the kitchen area, a couch with erupting stuffing lay lopsidedly against the lounge room wall alongside two worn dining chairs. Rob motioned Kirsten towards the stairs. She started ascending, but was stopped by a yank on her hair. Turning, she looked back down at him. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs he must have had since Newport and slapped one on her wrist. The other one was attached to a precarious banister.

"My girlfriend and I have some carnal catching up to do…" Rob leered at her, and Kirsten sank back onto the steps. He wrestled the car keys out of her hand before pulling Joni, feet clattering precariously at each tread, up the stairs behind him. A moment later, a door slammed somewhere upstairs, and Kirsten heard Joni scream. She tried to make herself as small as possible, twisting her rings on her hand, and thought about being elsewhere.

She was dreaming about Sandy in the spa when she felt the handcuff being taken off her wrist. Kirsten sat up, rubbed the chafed skin where the handcuff had rested. Rob was standing in front of her, a hand outstretched. Kirsten couldn't see the gun but, from what Joni had said, knew he could make her hurt in a million other ways.

"You don't talk much," Rob said as she took his hand and shrugged.

"Well, it suits me just fine. Our mutual friend," at this, his eyes shot a glance towards the ceiling, "seems to talk too much sometimes. No talking now, though." He gave Kirsten a meaningful look, nodded.

"You didn't…" Kirsten let her voice trail off, not wanting to voice what she was desperately hoping wasn't true.

"Oh no, not dead. Just… Sleeping." Rob gave her hand a squeeze, led her to the kitchen. Kirsten realised she was starving, hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before.

"Please, sit." Rob seemed to want to play the role of the gracious host, and Kirsten complied, sitting at the table on the chair he pulled up for her. He began looking through the cupboards, bringing out a packet of pasta and a can of salmon. He began boiling water, humming to himself as he did. Kirsten traced the random etchings on the tabletop, thought of her family, of what they were doing right now. She wondered if they'd figured that she wasn't coming back yet.

"I want you to know, I'm only getting back what's mine." Kirsten looked up at his words, only just avoided recoiling from his wolfish grin.

"Then what am I doing here?" She asked evenly. Rob nodded slowly, the grin widening.

"Well, I guess you're like an added extra. I'm getting my investment back," again, a look at the ceiling, "along with interest," his eyes trailed back to Kirsten, the grin evaporating. She looked back down at the tabletop, not wanting to read into the keen interest in his eyes, the silent desire she saw. He poured the pasta into the saucepan, pulled up a chair to sit across from her at the table.

"You look a lot like her, you know. I bet you were always the prettier one, though. Legs that go on for days, that can wrap around a man twice." Rob leant back in his chair, brown eyes darkening, signalling arousal. Kirsten looked at him, realised she couldn't be here anymore. She didn't know he wasn't lying about Joni not being dead, didn't know if she could survive if he raped her. She got to her feet, made it as far as the hallway to the back door before he grabbed her by her singlet, ripping it. His other arm came up to put her in a choke hold, dragged her back so her body leant against him, feeling the obscene bulge in his jeans at her back. Kirsten screamed then, the stark terror she had been feeling all day bursting forth, breaking something inside her mind. She tried to bite his arm, break away from him. She'd rather he killed her now than kept her as his alternate plaything.

"Shhh…" Rob got a hand over her mouth, stifling her breathing so that it sounded loud in the quiet room. He dragged her back through to the kitchen and turned off the heat under the saucepan. Kirsten gasped for air, panting after the burst of adrenaline that had sent her running for the door. Each heave of breath felt painful, scraped along her throat, aching from the terrified howl she had let loose.

Rob kept dragging her, one hand wrapped around her middle to control her arms, the other still clamped firmly over her mouth. Her feet beat a useless tattoo on the floor, picking up splinters from the aging wood. They ended up in the lounge room, on the sagging couch. Kirsten shook her head as he began unbuckling his pants, tried harder to get away, feet kicking out at him. He was as strong as he looked, the muscles in his arms holding her as effectively as a steel vice. He spun her around, used his weight to hold her feet down as he undid her pants, swearing as the zipper stuck. She squirmed more frantically, thought she had a chance when he let go of her mouth until his fist connected solidly with her nose, bringing tears to her eyes and blood to the surface. Again he punched her, this time on her collar bone, that time connecting solidly to her breast, knocking the wind out of her and bringing forth such a sharp pain that she hissed, whimpered, lay stunned for long enough that he could move her hands up above her head and hold them there. His grip grated her wrist bones against each other, bringing a wave of pain that brought threatening blackness to the edge of her vision. His other hand swiftly pulled her underwear down, before he entered her. She winced, felt her muscles tighten around him, felt him thrust into her harder to make up for the resistance he met. Kirsten felt the tears slipping down her cheeks, pain and shame combined. She shut her eyes so she wouldn't have to see him moving on top of her, tanned chest so different to Sandy's, eyes brimming, not with love, but with an evilness so deep it must go right to the bone.

It felt like ten minutes before he climaxed. He collapsed on top of her, the sudden weight bringing forth a noisy exhalation from Kirsten. He stayed inside of her, kissed her lips, forcing his tongue inside her mouth as if they were lovers instead of rapist and captive. Kirsten turned her face away from him, unable to move her body. He was off her suddenly, pulling up his pants. She opened her eyes, reached for hers while he watched her dress, feeling sore and bruised inside, tasting the blood in her mouth that had flowed so freely from her nose. She sniffed, feeling blood slide down the back of her throat.

"I'm getting dinner, if you want any." He was back to being a gracious host, as if he'd stepped out for a moment, come back in to find her on the couch. Kirsten shook her head, not wanting to accept anything from him, not wanting to be near him, wanting only to curl up with peaceful memories to satiate her. Rob shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. He gently led her over to the stairs, cuffed her once again. Kirsten curled up on the bottom step, knowing she would have fresh bruises by tomorrow. She was still awake when Rob went to bed. He leant down to stroke her hair, and Kirsten pulled back. Her action of defiance earned her a swift kick to the kidneys. After he had gone upstairs, she laid motionless, eyes open and staring into darkness, her hand straying again to the reassuring shapes of her rings, feeling cold, sore and very alone.

_Please review!_


	6. Bloodied Album

Sandy had arrived home at six, had gone straight to shower, expecting Kirsten to show up, perch herself on the edge of the sink and talk to him. When he was dressed and she still hadn't appeared, Sandy wandered out to the kitchen. There were two chairs next to each other, and a black album on the floor. Sandy picked it up, not recognizing it as Kirsten's, and set it back on the table. Some of the photos had fluttered out, and he shuffled through them, smiling at the captured memories of the Kirsten he had met. He wouldn't have thought that she would have left these out intentionally. He knew she wouldn't want Seth to look at them, see her with shorter skirts, longer hair, cigarettes and alcohol in hand. Sandy set the album on the sideboard, continued wandering through the house. He wasn't too concerned; her bag was missing, as was Joni and the car, so he surmised they'd gone out somewhere, had been caught up.

"Seth, have you seen your mother?" Sandy found Seth in his room. He was lying on the floor, sketching.

"No. Although she was meant to be here this afternoon so we could borrow the car. There was a new comic book store opening. I told her about it, so it's kind of weird that she isn't here."

"Hm." Sandy walked back into the hallway, grabbed the phone from its upstairs cradle. He dialled Kirsten's number, feeling the first fingers of fear creeping down his back. There were a few rings before someone answered.

"Kirsten's phone." A familiar voice said.

"Ryan?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, Sandy?" Ryan said.

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"I'm in the kitchen." Ryan said, paused as he could hear Sandy coming down the stairs. They looked at each other before simultaneously hanging up.

"Where's Kirsten?" Sandy asked. Ryan shrugged, sat the phone on the table.

"I haven't seen her since we left for school this morning. I heard the phone ringing in the sideboard. Top drawer. I was walking past, going to see if Seth knew whether it was lab work or theory we were being tested on tomorrow in biology."

"The top drawer?" Sandy walked over to the sideboard, opened the drawer as if it would hold an answer to Kirsten's whereabouts.

"Yeah. On top of all the papers." Sandy nodded and Ryan resumed his walk towards Seth's room. Sandy shut the drawer, perplexed. It wasn't like Kirsten to leave her phone behind. Having her cell with her was kind of her thing. Even now she wasn't working at the Newport Group, she always had it switched on, near her.

Sandy shrugged, started sorting through the takeout menus. He was sure there was an explanation they'd laugh about when she got home.

At eight, dinner had been eaten and the kitchen was clean. The leftovers were in takeout containers in the 'fridge, waiting for Kirsten and Joni.

"So your mother didn't say anything about being late tonight?" Sandy asked. The flutterings of fear that were beginning to flap inside him intensified. It wasn't like Kirsten to disappear and not ring, at least not when they hadn't had a fight. He'd called Julie and a few of the Newpsies while he was waiting for the takeout. With the exception of Taryn, who hadn't answered, no one had seen her.

"No, nothing." Ryan said. He looked in the sink, looked over the counter. "Sandy, where's the dishrag?" Sandy gave the sink and counter another cursory glance before reaching under the sink for a new cloth.

"Case of the missing Kirsten. Turns out she needs to take the sponge with her, just to heighten the mystery. Hey, what's this?" Seth had zeroed in on the album, plonked it at the table and opened it before Sandy could stop him.

"Is that Mom?" His voice was comically high pitched, disgust and awe both intermingling.

"I think Joni brought that with her. You probably don't want to-" Sandy was cut off by Seth.

"Jeez, Dad, have you seen these? These aren't the kind of pictures we keep in the family album. Ryan, you've gotta see this." Seth turned the page, stopped when he came to an image of his mother standing outside a mail truck, obviously moving in.

"Dad, Mom lived in a _mail truck_?" Seth sounded incredulous, and Sandy reached over to shut the album. He leant on it, waited until Seth pushed his chair back before picking it up and holding it to his chest.

"Your mother probably wouldn't want you to see it." Sandy carried it over to the kitchen bench, reminding himself to take it to their room when he left.

"Sandy, what's on your chest?" Ryan and Seth were both looking at the front of his grey sweater. Sandy looked down, saw a dark red stain smeared on his front.

"What…" He rubbed a finger over the front of the album, interrupted the congealing of the blood that he and Seth had both missed when they'd handled it.

_It's a mantra, I know; but please review anway…_


	7. Calling the Police

The police arrived at the door fifteen minutes after Sandy had placed the call. There were some perks to living in an affluent area.

He invited them in, showed them through to the kitchen where he and the boys had been sitting, tossing around ideas of where Kirsten might be, taking turns to call anyone they could think of who might have heard from her.

"So, you believe your wife is missing?" The woman detective, who'd identified herself as Katy Rivers, flipped open a small, leather bound notepad. Her partner, James Johns, had immediately called in a BOLO request to headquarters and was on his cell outside, waiting to see if anything had been flagged about the car or the women.

"And her friend. Joni Cadwell. She arrived yesterday, stayed here last night."

"And Joni was here because…?" Katy looked at Sandy, who ran his fingers through his hair, shot a look at the boys.

"She's Kirsten's friend from college. She was in a bad relationship, left him when he beat her so hard it forced an abortion." Seth's eyes widened, and he looked at Ryan whose expression was almost the same. They'd known something was wrong with Joni, but they hadn't entertained thoughts that had even come close to the truth.

"And the man?"

"Kirsten didn't say anything about him." There was a brief respite from the questioning as James' cell rang with the theme song from _Cats_. He shot an apologetic look to the faces staring out from inside, answered quickly.

"How long has she been gone?" Katy asked.

"I saw her when I left to go surfing, about 7.30 this morning. Guys?" Sandy turned to Seth and Ryan.

"We left for school a little after eight. Kirsten and Joni were still here then." Ryan spoke softly, his voice directed to the tabletop. It seemed that they'd only just got Kirsten back from rehab after a hellish summer without her. Now, when things were beginning to seem normal again, she was missing.

"Any reason why they might have left?" All three men shook their heads.

"Kirsten only just got back… Rehab at Suriak for alcohol. She wanted to be home." Sandy said. He knew the police would find out about Kirsten's retreat to rehab sooner or later, would rather be up front with them if it helped them return Kirsten to him.

James came in from outside, spoke quietly in Katy's ear before returning outside again.

"Is there any reason Kirsten would be heading for Mexico?" All three shook their heads again, and Katy marked something in her notepad.

"Why?" Sandy asked, seeing it as a left-field question.

"She got a speeding ticket on the highway to Mexico. An unmarked patrol stopped her at 10.18am this morning, doing 110 in an 80 zone. A bit over an hour from here, when you're doing the normal speed. We're getting hold of the unit that stopped them, to see what they can remember." Katy looked up at them.

"Have you called everyone you can think of to see if anyone knows where they are?" Sandy nodded.

"No one knows where she is. The only person I couldn't get onto is Taryn." Katy's eyes snapped up to meet his.

"Taryn Wainthrop?" Katy asked. Sandy nodded slowly, not wondering why that would be an issue.

"Is Kirsten friends with Taryn?"

"They've known each other since junior high, maybe before that. Taryn told Joni where to find Kirsten." Katy looked back down at her notepad, wrote furiously for a moment, before disappearing outside to make a call on her cell without an explanation.

"Do you think…She's going to be okay, isn't she Dad?" Seth sounded uncertain, needing reassurance.

"I hope so, son." Sandy rested his head in his hands, trying not to think of the worst possible scenarios. He couldn't handle it if anything happened to Kirsten. It had been almost physically painful for him to separate from her for so long over summer… God, he loved her.

"You guys have a biology test tomorrow, don't you?" Sandy needed to inject some normalcy back into their evening.

"If Mom's not back then I'm not going," Seth said.

"I'm sure she'll be back by then, Seth. We'll just do a quick drive around, see if we can see her car," Ryan said. Sandy knew Ryan had picked up on his muted despair, and was getting Seth out of the house before he broke down. He gave Ryan a grateful look, and handed them the keys to his car.

"Call me if you find anything," Sandy said, watching them walk out. Katy came back in, resumed her place at the head of the table where Kirsten should have been sitting hours ago when they had eaten dinner.

"So you don't know anything about Joni's ex?"

"Nothing. Kirsten didn't even mention his name."

"I hate to have to tell you this, but Taryn Wainthrop was found dead this afternoon by her husband. She'd been shot at point blank range in the head. Several times." Sandy put his head back into his hands. He didn't need Katy to connect the dots. Somehow, Joni's ex had found out that he'd called Taryn and had convinced her to talk. Now Joni and Kirsten were probably being held hostage if… he hadn't killed them already. Sandy wept, making no apology for it. Kirsten had been so strong, surviving Suriak, understanding why she had to go. The last year had been so hard on everyone… He didn't know what to do without her, had barely survived over summer when he'd known where she was, that she was going to come home…

"Mr Cohen," Katy's hand was on his shoulder. "We're going to do our best to find them. We've got officers blocking all of the main roads they might be travelling on. We've got an APB out on your wife and Joni, and a BOLO for her car. We're not going to let this one go, Sandy." Katy stood, said something to the officers who had come with her.

"Detective Johns and I are going to go back to headquarters to chase up a few things. We're going to need to take the front page of the photo album. We've looked through, and don't believe any of the other images will help us. We'll also need to take Kirsten's cell to dust it for prints. Officers Brett and Harvey are going to stay here in case a call comes through. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything, okay?" Katy gave his shoulder a squeeze, motioned to James. The officers she had mentioned poured Sandy a coffee, brought it over to the table before sitting down themselves. Sandy was still face down, but he wiped his eyes and looked up.

"Make yourselves at home. I'm going to…" Sandy didn't bother to finish his sentence, not sure of what he'd say. He was going to lock himself in their room and try to ignore that a life without her might be a reality soon realised. He was going to think about a woman who was the love of his life, and had been since he'd seen her twenty-two years ago, when she'd been a princess and he'd been a poor guy from the Bronx with a paper bag over his head.

He picked up his coffee, and the coverless album before heading for their bedroom. He knew Katy had left the rest of the album to be as discreet as possible. She knew this family had money, could sue the police if even one photo was leaked to the newspapers or internet. She didn't want to take the chance, and Sandy was glad she didn't. He wanted to be able to look over it, reminisce, remember Kirsten in case… In case she never came home.

_A bit of a short chapter, I know. I'm trying to break it up into scenes, so it all fits a bit better. Thanks you SO MUCH for all your reviews; they've made me update much quicker!_


	8. Coming Together

It was four am when Kirsten woke, feeling as if she'd only just fallen asleep. She sat up, disorientated. This wasn't her room. Her mattress didn't have this many edges. She reached out a hand, finding only empty space where Sandy should be.

All too quickly, the memories came rushing back. Joni, Rob, the drive, the house… The couch. Kirsten sat up quickly, brought her hands up to brush her hair out of her face. One was pulled up short by the cuff on her wrist. Her feet jingled when she tried to get up, and Kirsten looked down to see her feet manacled. She was sure that hadn't been done when she went to sleep.

Kirsten reached her free hand down, succeeded only in cutting her ankle with the sharp edge of the chain joining the shackles. She watched the blood trickle onto the stair, barely felt the pain. She turned to the banister, testing it to see how rickety it might be. She inched her way away so that she could put her feet against it, try and push to break it. She flexed her legs, feeling pins and needles sweeping up from her feet to her hips. She pushed them against the banister, ripping skin off her wrist with the cuff. Tears trickled down her face as she realised it was futile.

"Aw, baby." Rob emerged into a shaft of moonlight, walked closer to her. Kirsten got as far away from him as she could without dislocating her shoulder.

"Thought you might need a toilet break." Chuckling at a joke he didn't share, Rob reached down and unlocked her handcuff. Kirsten tried to get up, immediately fell over. Using her feet had numbed them, the small amount of blood that was making it past the restricting shackles used up by oxygen-starved muscles. Rob reached out, effortlessly swung her over his shoulder. He carried her through a door she hadn't noticed in the corner of the kitchen. It led to a windowless bathroom, lit by a single, bare bulb that assaulted her eyes as Rob turned it on. The toilet looked as if it had seen a frat party and hadn't been cleaned, but the water that came out of the tap looked clear enough. Kirsten quickly relieved herself and washed her hands before drinking thirstily. She'd had a small orange juice and a tea in the last 24 hours, and the inside of her mouth was tangy with the coppery feeling of blood. Looking at herself in the mirror, Kirsten could see her nose was slightly swollen. There was blood running down past her mouth. This, she washed off before examining the rest of the damage. She had to hold herself up with the sink and use the other hand to pull aside her ripped singlet. Her collarbone was purpling and swelling, and her chest, where he had punched her, was already darkening to an angry black. What little she'd looked at of her thighs had let her see they were bruising badly, and her wrists were aching from both the cuff and Rob holding them.

Kirsten sank down on the floor, began to sob. She wanted Sandy to be here so badly. He'd have to be looking for her now she hadn't come home. She wondered if he'd found the blood on the album, her phone in the drawer. Wondered if he knew about Taryn yet.

"Baby, don't cry." Rob came into the bathroom, carried her out to the couch. Kirsten shrank away from him when he put her down, rolling into a foetal position facing the wall. She felt his weight on the couch as he settled down. He curled himself up next to her, one arm around her, holding her close, like Sandy would. Kirsten cried silently, willing morning to come and the nightmare to be over.

"Summer, c'mon, pick up…" Seth jiggled his knees, drummed his fingers on the dash. It was late; they'd spent hours driving around in Sandy's car, looking anywhere for Kirsten's car. Ryan figured it was hopeless, that she could be in Mexico by now, but he needed to do something. He'd tried calling Marissa, needing someone to ground him before he went crazy with worry. They'd finally decided to get the girls, and were driving to Marissa's to pick her up. Ryan left Seth in the car and knocked on Marissa's door. After a few minutes of knocking, which turned into furious pounding, Julie answered.

"What are you trying to do, wake up the whole park?" She asked.

"Is Marissa here? I need to see her." Ryan pushed past her, almost ran through to Marissa's room. She was in a half sleeping, half awake state, and he almost shook her to wake her up.

"Ryan, what is it?" Marissa said sleepily.

"Kirsten's missing. I don't know what to do…" Ryan leaned into Marissa's sleepy embrace.

"Kirsten's missing? What?" Julie was at the doorway, already leaning into the hall closet to grab her coat.

"Marissa, get up. We're going to the Cohen's house. Ryan, how's Sandy?" Ryan was surprised at Julie's fierce questioning. She almost seemed to care.

"He's… I don't know, we left him there to go out and look for her. The police were there when we left."

"Mariss, get up honey. Ryan, I'm going to go see Sandy… I'll see you back at your house, okay?" Julie gave him an uncharacteristically supportive squeeze on the shoulder. Marissa pulled on her robe, followed him out the door. Julie had already driven off.

"Summer's not answering." Seth said once he was back in the driver's seat.

"Your Dad hasn't called?" Ryan asked. He hoped that he had, that Kirsten was waiting safely at home, that there was some kind of misunderstanding. Seth shook his head. Ryan waited for Marissa to climb in the back before heading to Summer's. She answered the door after five minutes of knocking.

"Cohen, what are you doing? Were you calling me?" She narrowed her eyes at him, pulled her robe tighter around her.

"My Mom's missing. I really need you."

Julie found Sandy in his room, sitting on the chair at the end of his bed. She noticed the worried set of his chin, the dark circles that were already setting in under his eyes, the coverless album he was hugging to him, the blood that was still on his fingertips.

"Sandy." She said, pulling a chair over to him. He looked at her, shook his head.

"What's going on?" Julie asked, having only Ryan's garbled communication to go on.

"She's gone. Her friend was staying here… Joni. Just out of a really bad relationship. The police think she's been taken by Joni's ex. He… He killed Taryn to get to Joni…. The summer was hard enough… What if…" He found himself unable to finish the sentence.

"We both know Kirsten. She's a fighter. I mean, she got through Suriak. And that blonde bitch with the affluent ambitions…" Julie trailed off, looked at Sandy.

"You know there will be as many police working this as possible. You've got to stay strong, for the boys. They went without a mother for the summer the same way you went without a wife. Why don't you have a shower. I think Summer and Marissa are coming back here with Seth and Ryan, so they'll be okay for a while. I'll start brewing coffee for everyone." Julie got up, waiting until Sandy did, too. He sat the album on the bed, facedown.

"Julie," he called as she was about to leave the room.

"Thank you." Julie gave him a sad smile.

"Kirsten has always been there for me, Sandy. I need to be here, find out what's going on, as much as you."

Seth was restless, roaming around the room, picking up objects and putting them down again. The police officers had settled themselves at the kitchen table, were sipping the coffee Julie had brewed. Summer had perched herself on a footstool. She was still in pyjamas, had tied the sash of her robe tight and was fiddling with the end of it. Marissa was next to Ryan, her arm around his back. Ryan was huddled on the couch, one knee pulled up, his arm wrapped around it. It wasn't lost on him that this was the last position he'd seen Kirsten in before… Before she went missing.

Sandy's arrival in the room prompted everyone to look up at him. Seth ceased moving, sank down next to Summer.

"Dad, we need to know what's going on." Sandy nodded, more to himself than anyone else, and sat on the arm of the armchair. Julie had left to get herself, Marissa and Summer some extra clothes, as well as buy some more coffee. Katy and James hadn't called back yet, and the police officers in the kitchen had no news.

"I thought about keeping some of this from you guys but…" Sandy sighed, spread his hands wide.

"I think you deserve to know everything I've been told by the police."

"Did you… Did you need us to go, Mr. C?" Summer motioned towards the door, sensing a family moment coming, but Sandy shook his head.

"No, Summer. I'm glad you two are here for…" Sandy gestured towards his sons, and Seth started looking almost sick.

"Dad, just tell us." Sandy looked at them, nodded to himself again, coming to some kind of decision.

"Joni was your mother's friend from college. You heard that she'd just gotten out of a bad relationship, and that her ex beat her badly enough that she lost her baby." At this, Marissa gasped, and Ryan reached out the hand that wasn't hugging his leg to reciprocate her actions and rest it over her shoulder. Sandy continued.

"She was going to stay here for a while, to try and stop her ex from finding her. The police think he tracked her down through Taryn, whose husband found her tonight…" Sandy looked down, struggling to fight back the tears that were threatening.

"What, Dad." Seth's voice was ragged, worried, and when Summer grabbed her hand he squeezed it tightly.

"Taryn's dead. She was shot in the head. Several times." Seth coughed, trying to mask sobs. They were all thinking the same; a man that could kill someone just for some information… He was obviously living without a conscience, and for someone like that to have Kirsten…

"Kirsten was picked up speeding on the road to Mexico. Police think they might have crossed the border…"

"They could be anywhere. God, don't they even know who this guy is…" Seth cut Sandy off, trying to substitute his naked fear with anger, but failing miserably. One of the police officer's phones rang, and they had a brief conversation before handing the phone to Sandy.

"Sandy, Katy," Katy said. "I've got an update for you. Joni's ex is called Rob Treyvaud. He's done time in State Pen for A&B and sexual assault. We've got a picture, though, and we're going to run it on most of the news channels starting tonight, see if anyone recognises him. Hopefully, we'll get a hit off that and be able to run with it. Meanwhile, we're checking out all property in Treyvaud's name." Katy paused. "We're getting there, Sandy. I can feel it. And remember, he was after Joni. He might have just let Kirsten go somewhere." Sandy nodded at her fake optimism. He knew, as did Katy, that this wasn't the kind of guy to leave loose ends.

"I'll call again when we've got more news." Katy ended the call, and Sandy handed the phone back to the cop.

"His name is Rob Treyvaud. They're going to put his picture up on the news channels." Wordlessly, Ryan turned on the television, and they sat silently through muted infomercials. Julie came back, handing out a bag each to Summer and Marissa. She'd put on jeans and a jacket, and she had a bag of coffee and milk in another bag. She squeezed Sandy's arm as she walked through to the kitchen. Ryan pressed the mute button again as a news bulletin came on. There was no mention of Kirsten, which Sandy was hoping for, since he didn't think he could deal with the Newpsie vultures descending on the house offering fake sympathies and faker 'home-cooked' casseroles. Instead, Rob was titled 'armed and dangerous'. His picture was put on the screen, and though it was his prison shot, he still was a decent looking guy. He had tanned skin, with dark hair and dark eyes. The newsreader's voice floated over the image on the screen.

"This man can be described as tall, of muscular build with an accent. He may or may not be travelling in a black BMW SUV with two female companions, one brunette and one blonde. If he is sighted, please call 911, and do not try to apprehend or approach this man under any circumstance." There was more news about a bus crash before the weather bulletin came on, but Ryan muted the television again. There was silence in the room as they all digested it. Armed and dangerous… possibly travelling with a blonde companion. Sandy broke the silence, recalling Julie's words, knowing he needed to be there for the boys.

"We all need to get some sleep. It's probably going to be a big day tomorrow." He checked his watch, noted the way that midnight was creeping closer towards one am.

"I guess you want the girls to stay here?" Sandy looked at each of the boys as they nodded in turn. He and Kirsten usually didn't let them have their girlfriends over for the whole night, but he knew this night was anything but normal.

"Can we… Can we sleep in here?" Seth looked around at everyone, his first words since his earlier outburst. Slowly Ryan nodded.

"Let's get some mattresses." Seth and Ryan walked out towards the pool house. Sandy caught the eye of one of the officers who was going to follow them, and shook his head. He knew they needed some brother time, to sort out what they'd just heard. Julie was right; they'd been without a mother all summer. Now, like Sandy, they were facing the prospect of being without indefinitely… If not forever.


	9. Falling Apart

"We'll get some pillows and blankets, right, Sum?" Marissa motioned Summer up off the couch, and they each gathered the bags Julie had packed them. They left Sandy in the emptied room, his head back against the chair, worry etched through every line of his face. Heading up to Seth's room, Summer was the first to speak.

"I can't believe it. This isn't something that should happen to people like the Cohens."

"I know. Kirsten… She's one of the only people I knew I could always talk to." Marissa said softly. They dumped their bags in the middle of Seth's room, and started gathering the pillows.

"God, Coop. This doesn't happen in Newport." Summer sat on the edge of the bed, a pillow hugged to her stomach. Marissa sat beside her so that their shoulders were touching, offering support, receiving support.

"I know. I don't know how Sandy's holding it together. He and Kirsten… They're the best couple. The best parents. I mean, they took Ryan in, and they've always been there for everyone else as well. I just…" Marissa shook her head.

"You know, I used to love coming here with Seth. Even when Kirsten was working, she still took time to be a mother. My Mom didn't work, but she never had time for me. Kirsten was like the only mother I had once my Mom left, step-monster not included." Summer finished her sentence quietly, leant over to let her tears drip into the pillow. Marissa rubbed Summer's back, felt her own eyes filling with tears. Kirsten had always been the mother she'd wanted, the mother she might have had, taking into consideration Kirsten's past with her father. After Julie had split with Jimmy, Marissa had found herself spending more time with the Cohens. She loved the way Kirsten was always there to listen to anything Seth or Ryan had to say, the way she and Sandy were always being interrupted canoodling in the kitchen… She missed a reality like that. Even before her Mom and Dad had split up, they'd never had as warm a relationship as Sandy and Kirsten, and her mother had never listened to her as intently as Kirsten had. Even though Marissa could remember her childhood being overshadowed with her father's ongoing awe for Kirsten, she'd never resented her for it. Instead, she'd grown a quiet appreciation of the diminutive blonde woman who'd had more to deal with than people thought.

"We'd better get back to Seth and Ryan." Summer said, and Marissa nodded. They knew they wouldn't be hurting nearly as much as Ryan and Seth would be.

The girls surveyed the living room. Instead of a coffee table and a couch, there were now several mattresses set up. Sandy had left, and Ryan and Seth were spreading sheets out on the mattresses. They dropped the pillows and blankets onto the floor, and tucked in the ends of the sheets. It was nearly 1.30, and they were all starting to feel tired. The high stress and ongoing worry of the past few hours had sapped everyone's energy.

"Your Mom went to sleep in the guest room," Ryan said to Marissa, who nodded.

"I might go say goodnight." She said, giving Ryan a kiss as she went. He'd been quieter than he usually was, and she knew he was hurting. He usually retreated into himself when he was upset, and she could see it happening. She wasn't sure how she could reach him.

"I'm gonna go see my Dad." Seth said, giving Summer's hand a squeeze as he passed.

"So…" Summer handed a blanket over to Ryan, and he spread it out on the bed. He looked over at her, and she saw the emptiness in his eyes. She was going to ask how he was, but knew it was a dead question. None of them were fine. She'd seen how far downhill they'd all gone when Kirsten had gone away to Suriak, how much better things were now she was home. Summer didn't know if things could hold up in the Cohen house if Kirsten wasn't going to come back from this.

"Dad?" Seth knocked lightly on the door, though it was ajar. He wasn't sure he could face his father crying. His Dad being strong was the only thing that was getting him through this right now.

"Come in, son." Sandy's voice was void of anything except weariness and worry. He was sitting at the table in the bedroom, blinds drawn in the room, lamp throwing the only light and glossing the photos which he was looking at. Seth walked across the room slowly, sat the other chair. Sandy handed him a picture.

"This is your mother and Joni." Seth looked at the picture, allowed himself a small smile. The fashion was laughable, the hair longer than he'd ever seen on his Mom, the cigarettes in their hands surprising, considering his mother's attitude towards smoking now. Kirsten was undeniably more attractive, the eyes bigger, bluer, her lips curved in a smile to reveal perfect teeth.

"She was gorgeous." Seth said, stating fact. He knew his mother was attractive, but had never really given it much thought, had just taken it for granted. He did remember one moment, when he'd been five and they were still in Berkeley. He'd been walking to work with his Mom; she had a part time job in a gallery, and they let her bring Seth along. She used to point out all the new paintings to him, and tell him about them while she was arranging them, before putting him behind the counter with his colouring in book. It was autumn and some of the trees were shedding their leaves, leaving crinkled reminders of a summer passed on the ground. Seth had alternated his time between stomping on them, and looking up at the people passing them. Nearly every man, whether they were walking with a woman or not, would look at his mother, their eyes lingering on her longer than a cursory glance would allow. Seth had looked at her, seen long flowing hair, sparkling eyes and an almost perfect bone structure. He'd realised then, as a five year old, that his mother was prettier than most others.

Sandy tilted the album towards Seth, who moved his chair a little closer.

"So, Mom really lived in a mail truck?" Seth asked. Sandy nodded, smiled a little at the memory.

"Yeah. She was… Well, she was different back then. You wouldn't peg her as a Newpsie. She used to want to open a gallery in Suasalito…" Sandy turned a page in the album. More pictures of a younger, less restrained Kirsten. Seth pointed out a picture, and Sandy looked closer at it. Kirsten was standing next to a painting, paintbrush in hand, smudges of green and blue on her white singlet.

"That was for her grad show. She did a series of paintings called _From one Life to the Next_. They're still in the garage somewhere I think."

"Mom could paint?" Seth asked.

"Why do you think your drawing talent wasn't as surprising as you'd hoped? She studied art history as her major, and design and painting as her minor. Here she is, at her show." Kirsten was standing near a wall of paintings. She was talking to someone off camera, and her eyes were bright, face lit up, ready to laugh.

"Dad…" Seth asked hesitantly, and Sandy turned to him. They shared a look between them; the fear, the uncertainty, the terror that had been visited on them all since Sandy hugged the album was uncovered. Sandy reached an arm out, pulled his son into a rough hug. He and Kirsten always had unspoken dreams of together attending Seth's high school graduation, his college graduation, his wedding, their grandchildren's birthdays… Sandy didn't think he could do it solo. He didn't think their family could handle shrinking to three again, the way it had over summer. No one could take the place of Kirsten. As much as he didn't admit it, she was the strength in the family. He knew she had his back on everything, that whatever he did, there was someone he could come home to, share his day with, joke with, make love to… Without wanting to, Sandy was crying on his son's shoulder. In moments, he felt Seth sobbing as well, and they clung together, two men uncertain of the future, left behind, possibly losing the one they both loved the most.

"Mom?" Marissa opened the door to the spare room. Julie was sitting on the end of the bed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Marissa paused on the threshold until Julie motioned her in. Julie wrapped an arm around her as she sat down.

"She's going to be okay, right?" Marissa needed to have something to cling to, some shred of hope thrown her way.

"I hope so, honey. Kirsten's a fighter." Julie clung onto Marissa, needing as much support as she was giving. Kirsten had been her only friend in this town, after everything with Jimmy, and then Caleb. Even though Julie had known Jimmy was still in love with Kirsten when he'd married her, she'd stopped blaming Kirsten for it. She knew how much Kirsten loved Sandy… How much more he loved her back. And she'd seen what kind of parenting skills they had, not just with Seth, but with Ryan, and the boy's friends. Sometimes, Julie wished she had half of Kirsten's style and tact.

"I'd better get back to Ryan." Marissa said, letting go of her mother. Julie gave her arm a squeeze before letting her go.

"See you in the morning." Julie watched her daughter walk out of the room before continuing to wipe her eyes. Until she'd been gone, Julie hadn't realised just how much she needed to know Kirsten was there for her.

The four of them regathered in the lounge room. The light in the kitchen shafted through the doorway, throwing a comforting glow. Seth's eyes were red, his cheeks still damp from tears. They were all tired, all past the point of exhaustion. They lay around on the mattresses, silent. There weren't any words for an event like this; nothing that could undo it, nothing that could ease anyone's pain, short of Kirsten walking in the front door. Eventually, lulled by the quiet sound of the police officers talking quietly in the kitchen, they all fell into uneasy dreams, punctuated mostly by thoughts of Kirsten, out there somewhere. Thoughts of Rob, out there with her. Thoughts of a mother, a friend, somewhere in the darkness beyond Newport, somewhere unreachable, somewhere unknown.

_Hope you guys are still with me… We're up to page 27 now… I haven't written anything this long before! Hope you liked this chapter- I felt everyone needed a little bit of their own background covered. I'm not exactly sure when this is set… Obviously after Suriak, early in season 3… I'm not a fan of R/M but they're together because it's simpler this way. I know, I took the easy way out ;p. Please review or PM me with your thoughts! Thanks for reading._


	10. Not in Mexico

Kirsten awoke slowly. She wasn't on the couch anymore. Rob's arm was gone from around her waist. She sat up, trying to pick something out in the darkness. She felt beneath her, her nails digging into a dirt floor. She was still wearing her jeans and shirt, and her hands and ankles were shackled. She had no idea what time it was, or how long she'd been asleep. A sudden bout of the spins made Kirsten lie down again, reminded her of how long it had been since she'd eaten. As if ganging up on her, her stomach cramped painfully, needing some kind of sustenance. Lying down until she felt well enough to get up, Kirsten lifted herself until she could crawl. She didn't trust her legs to hold her yet. She crawled awkwardly, one hand held out in front of her to feel for a wall. Finally, she reached one, her fingertips scraping the rough bricks. She used jutting pieces of mortar to pull herself to a standing position, swayed there for a moment on shaky, numb legs. Trusting them enough not to let her down, Kirsten continued her perusal of the room. It was small, and she hadn't felt a door or any windows. Her eyes still hadn't adjusted to the perfect dark she was in, although she was sure she could see a crack of light above. Kirsten took a step out from the wall and moved around. Almost immediately, she ran into a ladder. It was metal, the rungs cold. Kirsten shivered, her hands on the chilled ladder making her conscious of how cold she was. The room was chilly, and she only had on a t-shirt to ward off the chill. How long she'd been on the cold, dirt floor, she didn't know.

Kirsten moved around to the front of the ladder, pulled herself up on the first rung. It was a long, slow climb, trying to keep her feet working even though the shackles were cutting off the blood supply. She reached the top, could feel rough wood above. She pushed on it and, to her surprise, it gave way. Kirsten felt a spark of hope glisten inside her. She opened the trapdoor, and blinked in the sudden light.

Sandy woke up, and rolled over to look at the clock. He sat up quickly, surprised he'd slept until 8. Surprised he'd slept at all. He hadn't expected to fall asleep but somehow, between looking through the album Joni had brought, remembering Kirsten as she was when he'd first known her, so beautiful, so unexpected, he'd made it to their bed and was lying on Kirsten's side, hugging her pillow to himself. Sandy swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and headed for the shower, needing something to help him feel more alert. He stood under the cold water, his mind running over everything that had happened last night. Sandy opened Kirsten's shampoo bottle, smelt the familiar fresh fruity smell that he usually woke up to, her hair splayed in front of his face on her pillow. Hair that hadn't been there this morning.

Stepping out of the shower and dressing quickly, Sandy walked through to the kitchen. He was greeted quietly by two new police officers, given the news that there was no news. He looked into the lounge room to find three sleeping faces. Ryan was missing, and Sandy walked out to the pool house. He knocked, walked in. Ryan was perched on the mattress-less bed, already showered and dressed.

"Hey, kid." Sandy greeted quietly. Ryan nodded back, and Sandy sat on the armchair. Neither of them spoke, but knowing they were going through the virtually the same thing afforded them a comfortable silence.

"It's like a bad dream, isn't it." Ryan said. Sandy nodded slowly. That's exactly what it was like. It was like being in an alternate reality. Sandy had half expected to wake up this morning to find Kirsten sleeping beside him, snoring softly, even though she would deny she was snoring until she was blue in the face. Instead, it was her pillow, an object offering none of the warmth, comfort or simple security his wife did every morning he woke up next to her.

"It is." Sandy said. There was a knock at the door, and one of the police officers put his head in, handed over his cell.

"Katy," he said, and Sandy took the phone, his eyes reflecting the alternate hope and fear he felt as he put the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Sandy. I've got some good news. We've got a guy who's certain he saw Rob and Kirsten at a service station. He lives near Newport, was travelling home when he saw them."

"I'd like to be there when you talk to him." Sandy said. There was a pause before Katy answered.

"Sure. Can you grab a recent photo of Kirsten. I've only got one we got off the DMV network. I'll meet you outside your house in ten minutes." Sandy hung up, looking over to Ryan who was waiting to hear.

"They've got someone who might have seen them. I'm going to go with Katy, talk to him." Ryan stood as Sandy did.

"I'll come with you."

"No, Ryan." Sandy said. Sensing Ryan was about to protest, he continued. "Someone needs to be here, let Seth and everyone know what's happening. Besides… It makes me feel better, knowing you and Seth are here together." Ryan paused, nodded slowly.

"Thanks." Sandy sighed heavily, rubbed his face with his hands. "I'll call you when I know something more." He said, before leaving the room, handing the phone off to the police officer as he went. Sandy walked into his bedroom, grabbed his phone, wallet and keys. He looked around, seeing a picture that had been taken a few weeks ago by Seth on another of his photography benders. Kirsten was sitting out near the pool, reclining in the sun. Seth had jumped out with the camera, taken a photo. Her eyes had looked up just in time, had been captured perfectly. Her hair was loose and silky on her tanned shoulders. Sandy had nabbed it off Seth and framed it. He grabbed it out of the frame and avoided lingering his eyes on her relaxed expression before he folded it and put it in his pocket. He didn't think he could face thoughts of his wife happy, without wondering what emotion she might be feeling now.

The house they pulled up to was pleasant, small, vaguely charming. It was in the flower streets, and the yard barely contained the toy explosion that had scattered coloured objects all over it. The woman that answered the door had been expecting them, and she let them in after one look at Katy's flipped badge. They walked past her, as well as the twin sets of eyes peering out from behind each pant leg, into a hall with the same toy scatterings. She made no apology for the mess, apparently having resigned herself to it, as mother's of twin toddlers tend to do.

"You can talk in the kitchen. Would you like coffee, tea?" She asked as she led them through the house. Both Katy and Sandy shook their heads and she left them, twin girls offering doleful looks over their shoulders as they were led out, bunches of curled blonde hair vanishing at shin level out the door.

"Marcus. Marcus White. Please, sit down." He was medium height, medium build; largely average. He shook both their hands before everyone sat. Katy motioned to Sandy, and he took the picture out of his pocket.

"Is this the woman you saw, Mr. White?" She asked. Marcus took the picture, tilted it towards the light coming through the French doors behind him.

"That's her. Definitely. I saw her at the service station just off the overpass. She was with that man, the one from the news." Sandy took the picture back, again not allowing his eyes to delay on the happiness captured in Kirsten's eyes.

"The guy from the news?" Katy asked. Marcus nodded.

"That one they've been putting up pictures of. That's how I knew I should call you. The girls couldn't sleep last night, so I was up with them. I had the TV on, and his picture came on the news. I remembered him, because there was something…" Marcus looked thoughtful, and Katy let the silence stretch out before she finally broke it.

"What was it?"

"Well, Sylvia, my wife… She was trying to get the girls to settle in the backseat while I filled the car up. I looked across and she was looking at me, the woman in the picture. As soon as I looked her, she looked away. Then the guy put his arm around her and she looked… Well, she looked like she didn't want to be there. She wouldn't look at me again, kept looking away. Even when we passed each other when I was walking in to pay, she still wouldn't look up. The guy held the door open for me, though."

"You have a good memory, Mr. White. Did the man speak to you at all? Say anything?" Marcus shook his head, looking regretful.

"No, and I wouldn't have thought anything of it but something about her stuck in my memory… She was so tense, I think, but at the same time she seemed… Well, it sounds funny, but she seemed resigned."

"Pardon me?" Katy asked, wanting a clearer explanation.

"I'm a writer. Journalist turned novelist. I observe people a lot, so I've learnt to pick up on things. The woman I saw, she was scared of the man, but she was always resigned to being with him. She wasn't looking around like she was going to make a break for freedom. She was staying with him." Marcus nodded, as if to seal his recollection. Sandy felt himself chewing his lip. He knew why Kirsten would be staying; Joni. Sometimes, her sense of loyalty was too strong.

"Did you see another woman with him?" Katy asked.

"No. I heard on the news there was a brunette as well, but she wasn't with them when they paid. I couldn't see into the car, either. The windows were pretty heavily tinted." Sandy felt Katy shoot him a look, and he nodded. He knew they'd got all they could out of Marcus. He stood to leave as Katy copied down the exact details from Marcus; which servo, and what time they were there. She joined him outside. He'd already sat himself back in the car, started sweltering in the enclosed heat. Katy was on her phone as she came out, but as soon as she hung up she turned the car on, pumped the AC to high.

"I've put a call in to HQ. We're already sending a unit to talk to the guy who served them and to see if there's a surveillance tape." Sandy stayed mute, looking out the window. One of the twin girls was at the front window, hazy through the heat. She pushed her face on the glass, smudging her cheek onto the window. One side of her hair had come free of the pigtails, and it bunched, blonde and loose around her face. Sandy looked away.

"It does mean they've turned around. They're not on their way to Mexico." Katy backed the car out of the drive and started the hill climb towards the Cohen house.

"Baby, you made it." The low voice met her ears as her eyes, owl like, adjusted. Kirsten almost let go of the ladder to fall backwards, towards the dirt floored dungeon and away from the vision of evil in front of her, but her wrists were grabbed by him, making her hiss in pain as fingers dug deeply into cuff scrapes, his hands closed hard enough to make her wrist bones grate against each other. Almost effortlessly, he pulled her out of the trapdoor and shut it behind her. She was in another room she hadn't noticed in the house; she could see the stairs through the doorway, and decided she was behind the kitchen.

"Four hours. Not bad." He held both her wrists with one hand while he checked his watch.

"Better than Joni. She's usually out for five or more."

"What…?" Kirsten slurred her speech when she spoke and stopped, surprised, confused. She felt like her brain was cotton wool, too soft and cottony to communicate to the rest of her body.

"Horse tranquiliser. Special K. Whatever." Rob shrugged, indifferent. He pulled Kirsten after him, and she stumbled against him, the sudden movement taking her by surprise. She was pulled along the hallway. Looking back, she could see sunlight peeking around the edges of the closed back door.

"What's… time?" Kirsten managed to get out, the words rolling out of her mouth with effort.

"If I told you… I'd have to kill you." Laughing loudly at his joke, Rob pushed her back onto the bottom step and started undoing her ankle shackles. Kirsten meekly put her feet out, almost recoiling as the lack of pressure made the open wounds throb more intensively with pain. He looked thoughtfully at the wounds before pulling her through to the couch. Kirsten let herself be pushed down onto it, feeling relief on the bruises that were forming from her time lying on the hard edged stairs. She curled herself into a ball, unwilling to look at what Rob had planned for her next.

"Here we go," he smiled as he leant over her with a syringe in his hand. Kirsten whimpered as it met a vein, was discharged with a gusto that made her arm ache up to her shoulder. Within minutes, she felt the cotton in her brain envelope her vision, fading white inwards until she was nothing but air.

"Have they heard anything? Where's Dad?" Seth came into the pool house, bathrobe tightly cinched, eyes already pinched with worry. Ryan was still sitting on the bed. He guessed he'd been there for the better part of an hour, thinking. Remembering. Wondering why something like this should have to happen to the Cohen's, to Kirsten; the only real mother figure he'd been able to depend on, to love without fear of it not being reciprocated.

"Someone might have seen them. Your Dad went with the cops to talk to them. I haven't heard from him." Ryan shifted a little to the right as Seth perched next to him.

"I can't believe I slept. I can't believe it." Seth ran a hand through his sleep tousled hair, rubbed his eyes.

"She's god knows where, and I slept…" He trailed off, and Ryan leant an arm out, rested it around his shoulders.

"I know. Me too." His voice was low, recognizing the fact that they'd both managed to find a few hours comfort from this while Kirsten…

"Fuck, Ryan. She's been gone all night with this psychopath. He killed Taryn… What-"

"Don't say it, Seth." Ryan knew an acknowledgment of their biggest fear wouldn't help either of them. He wanted to believe that Kirsten was going to be found; safe, well, unscathed, in the same condition as she'd been when he'd said good bye on his way to school. He knew it was a slim hope, probably more than Seth did, but he was hoping all the same. There was nothing else he could do.


	11. Going up

**I've made this a little longer than the other chapters; trying to atone for leaving this fic without an update for so long. So put on some decent music, make yourself your drink-of-choice and enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: People you don't recognise are mine. The order of the words is mine. Everything else is just being borrowed, and will be dusted off and put back.**

Sandy walked back into the house, shutting the door carefully. He didn't know who else might be asleep, and he wanted them to stay deep in dreams, which would inevitably be better than the reality they were living at the moment. There was no question about the kids going to school; he wasn't even sure they'd remember there was a biology test today. Inevitably, Miss Kim would call, he'd explain it and she'd let them take a resit.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and looked through to the living room where Summer and Marissa were still asleep. Sandy wandered out to the pool house. Two pairs of worried eyes looked up at him and he sat in the chair across from them.

"Someone saw her at a service station. It looks like they're not headed to Mexico. Which is good, since American police don't have jurisdiction there but…" Sandy let his sentence trail off and Seth's angry words exploded from him, completing it.

"She could be anywhere. Do they have any idea? At all?" Sandy set his cup of coffee carefully on the ground and leant forward to rest his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes wearily.

"We can't just sit here and do nothing, Dad. We've got to do something. Drive around… Something." Sandy shook his head.

"We've got no starting point. Its better we wait for news. I feel as powerless as you do, but if we get news that she's… That she's in a hospital, I want to be there as soon as we can. That's why Katy left us a police officer here. So we'd know what was going on." Sandy chose his words carefully. He still wasn't entertaining thoughts that it would be anything other than a hospital that they'd be directed to.

"But-." Sandy lifted a hand, cutting Seth's protestation short. He couldn't find anything to follow it with and they sat, thoughts dancing within their heads, all three silent.

She was still lying on the couch. She moved a little, looking around, and was relieved to find herself alone. Her wrists and ankles were now chained together, effectively keeping her curled in an uncomfortable position. She tried to flex her feet, involuntarily crying out when a cramp shot through her leg. She rolled over, trying to get some relief, and saw Rob. He'd obviously been watching her sleep, and he walked over to her.

"Shh. I'll undo you. Don't try anything." He unlocked her ankles so that she could stretch her legs out. Within moments, the cramp had passed, and she was left with pins and needles tingling up and down her legs.

"I was wondering when you'd wake up. Sleeping Beauty." Rob christened her, smiling down as if she was his girlfriend, and he was waiting for her to wake up so they could have an early morning special, and maybe some pancakes after that. Kirsten didn't want to give him the satisfaction of hearing her voice, so she shut her eyes, tried to drift off again, think of Sandy and her boys. It was only seconds until she felt the slap across her face, lifted her hands, with the chains still attached, to feel where a red welt was swelling.

"Get up." Rob ordered, pulling the chain that her ankles had been through, leading her like an animal. Kirsten tried to stand, balance on legs that were now filled only with a dull ache, and barely any feeling. She couldn't, fell down in front of him, her hair covering her face. He grabbed it, wrenching her upwards, and Kirsten screamed out, feeling as if her skull had almost been ripped from her head.

"Jesus. It's not like anyone's going to hear you." Rob gathered her in his arms, holding her close to him as he walked her upstairs. Kirsten made a feeble grab at the railing, but he effortlessly pulled her away from it.

"I'm going to let you take a bath. A woman like you should be clean and fresh." He leered down at her as he said it, and Kirsten tried to shrink away from his touch. She knew what he wanted her clean and fresh for, and she wanted to be as disgusting as she could for him, to keep his hands off her.

"I've put the water in, hopefully it's still warm enough." Rob put her down near the bath and locked the door behind them. There was only one window in the room, too small for anything but a sparrow to fit through.

"Undress." Rob said as he took the chains off her wrists. Kirsten was slow to respond, not wanting to be in any more vulnerable a state in front of him. Rob grabbed her hair again, kneeled down so he was leaning over her and tilted her head back so they were eye to eye.

"Un. Dress." He said again, and Kirsten felt the tears fill her eyes as she unbuttoned her shirt and took it off. She took off her pants next and paused in her underwear, as she saw Rob lick his lips. She sniffed, slowly took off the rest until she was standing before him naked. He moved forwards towards her while she moved back, until she was pinned in the corner. He reached a hand out, and slowly traced it up from her belly button, between her breasts, along her collarbone and up to her jaw. He looked at her hungrily, and Kirsten looked into his eyes, imagined she was looking into Sandy's eyes, into kind blue, ocean blue. Rob kept his eyes on her as he leant closer, until he was too close, his lips pressed to hers. Kirsten pushed her body away, arching her backbone into the wall, feeling her spine press uncomfortably into it, feeling him still pressed against her, his tongue in her mouth. She reached weak arms up, trying to push him away, but he captured her wrists, pushed them harshly up against the wall, wrenching her shoulders. Kirsten cried out, trying to get away from him. Her legs were recovering strength and feeling, and she bit his tongue as she kicked up, at his groin. His grip on her wrists weakened, and she managed to dodge around him. He recovered too quickly, and put a hand on her neck, using her own momentum to push her into the opposite wall. Kirsten felt her head crack into the cheap wood, felt her whole body jar as she was stopped suddenly, and she fell in a slump on the floor, the wind knocked out of her, the hope of an escape dampened.

"Fucking bitch." Rob snarled at her as he dragged her over to the bath and roughly dumped her in, ignoring as water splashed over the edge and landed on his pants. He pushed her head down underwater, holding it there. Already winded, it didn't take long for Kirsten to see black, and she sucked in a mouthful of water before he brought her back up, wheezing and spluttering. Again she was dunked under. She narrowly avoided another mouthful as he brought her back up sooner than before. Letting her go, Rob stood back to survey the damage. Kirsten could see blood running into the water. She lifted a hand up, felt a split on her temple from the abrupt meeting she'd had with the wall. Looking over, she could see a smear of her own blood down the panelling.

"Now, wash yourself up." Rob stood back from the bath, breathing heavily. Kirsten could see he was aroused, and she shuddered, but reached for the soap at the edge of the bath as he glowered at her, and raised a fist menacingly. She rubbed the soap in between her hands, working up a lather, before rubbing it on her face. She hissed when she soap met the open wound, stinging it. Quickly, Kirsten did the rest of her body, moving the soap gently over her various bruises. She didn't want to linger on her thighs while Rob was there, but she could see the bruises were beginning to surface, showing up a shadowy purple under the water.

Kirsten put the soap back on the edge and ducked her head under, washing all the soap off. She looked up through the water, seeing her hair meandering above her, the ceiling beyond that. She blew out bubbles, watching them rise and break on the surface. She liked this underwater reality, where everything was silent, where there was only her. All too soon it was broken as Rob hauled her to the surface. Kirsten cringed away from his hands as he reached towards her. He had a shampoo bottle in one hand, and he grabbed her hair, turning her so she was facing the wall, her hair dripping over the edge of the bath. She felt nothing for a moment, until his hands began kneading the shampoo into her hair. The smell of vanilla was overwhelming, and Kirsten tried hard not to relax into his hands. She'd been living with all muscles tensed for longer than she could remember, and now she was getting a head massage in a warm bath. One of his fingers accidentally hit the wound from the wall, and Kirsten re-tensed, the pain making her cringe.

"Sorry," Rob offered, his voice a whisper that Kirsten felt across her back. She realised how close he was to her, and she pulled away a little. He let her go, before dipping his hands into the bath, his fingers sliding over her thigh as he washed the shampoo off them. Kirsten waited until his hands were out until she dunked under again, washing the shampoo out, unable to open her eyes to her water wonderland lest they get stung from the shampoo in the water. She sat up, her knees pulled up to her, covering her breasts. Rob had a towel for her, and he held it out, much like Sandy would have if he was in the bathroom when Kirsten was getting out of the shower. Kirsten felt her eyes tear up, felt the tears mix with the bathwater as they slid down her face. She stood up, water raining off her, and stepped into the proffered bath towel. She was feeling weak from too long without any food, and didn't have any strength left to push Rob away as he rubbed the water off her. She did try to push him away when he dropped the towel, tried to move back as he undid his pants, tried to keep her legs closed but, like before, he forced his way in. This time she slumped against him, letting him do what she wanted. She shut her eyes, imagined she was with Sandy… Imagined none of this had ever happened.

The lone policeman left at the house had retreated to the patio as everyone else had gravitated towards the kitchen. Everything would have been normal; just another impromptu meal with everyone at the Cohen house, except Julie was sitting in Kirsten's place and, in most cases, the eyes meeting around the table were red rimmed. Fingernails were being bitten and the sandwiches Julie had made were sitting in the middle of the table, uneaten. Instead of the usual burble of conversation and laughter that accompanied Cohen dinners, there was subdued silence; the silence of waiting, wondering, taut hopefulness.

There was the sound of a cell phone from outside and everyone's eyes drifted towards the door. Within minutes, the cop had come in, holding out the phone for Sandy. Katy's voice carried with it some news, which, at this point, was better than no news at all.

"We've got a surveillance vid from the servo. I'm getting one of my guys to courier it over for you to watch. There's something on it you should see. We've got a new lead, too. There's a small town a few miles away. A greengrocer called us," There was the sound of shuffling before Katy came up with a name, "Mr George Carrol. He claims to have seen a black SUV. Judging by his surprise, your kind of car isn't the norm around here. We're alerting the force that covers that area with a BOLO and an APB. I'll drive down there at first light tomorrow, see if we can convene a chopper. It might be promising, Sandy." Her voice changed then, tone softening and she hesitated. Sandy guessed that, though driven, intelligent and able to hold down a team full of men, Katy wasn't the type to be more than businesslike.

"How are you guys holding up?"

"I guess… I guess we're as expected." Sandy said. No one was pretending not to listen, except for Marissa who was making a ploy at politeness and looking out the door towards the pool house.

"Well then," brusquely back to business, Katy finished up by telling Sandy the tape would be there soon. He flipped the phone shut and handed it down the table to the policeman who went back outside. Eyes were trained on him, asking for news, hopeful that it would be good.

"The servo she was spotted at… They got a surveillance tape from there Katy thinks we might like to see. And the car might have been spotted. They're alerting the local cops there, sending a chopper over tomorrow."

"That's good news, right? They might know where she is?" Seth looked around the table, grasping with both hands at what was a tenuous strand of hope. Sandy looked at his son, couldn't begrudge him.

"It seems to be good news." Sandy nodded, and everyone seemed to let out a small collective sigh of relief. They'd all been waiting on tenterhooks for anything, and it seemed someone up there liked them and had delivered. It wasn't Kirsten back home in Sandy's arms, but it was a start.

Kirsten sat up, her injured wrists screaming as she spread her hands, palm down, on the floor beneath her. Energy-starved muscles burned, and her vision swayed, faded before clearing. She vaguely remembered the bathroom, and a hand inadvertently moved to her forehead, feeling gingerly around the puckered wound that had been split on the wall. She put her hand back down, but lifted it up again when she realised that upon waking, for once, here hands weren't chained together. The last thing she'd remembered was Rob telling her he'd wash her clothes and that she'd have to wear a robe. He'd wrapped her in it and had then pulled it down so that he could inject whatever it was into her arm. The rest of it she didn't remember.

She was wearing her clothes again, and they felt cleaner than they were before. Kirsten shuddered slightly. She had no knowledge of redressing, and wondered what else Rob had done to her while she was out to it. She could hazard a guess as moving brought a fresh wave of pain to her breasts and between her legs. Stifling a sob that rose as Kirsten realised that she'd probably been a rag doll beneath him for god knows how many hours, she locked the thoughts down in the back of her mind and looked around her. As she shifted and realised she wasn't feeling the sharp edges of the stairs underneath her, Kirsten saw she was on the floor next to the couch. She could hear a shuffling sound upstairs, and paused to see whether anyone was going to come down the stairs. When there were no creaks from footsteps on the stairs, Kirsten pushed herself up to a full sitting position. She swayed a little, dizzy from dehydration and paused there, eyes closed, breathing deeply. Moving her legs, Kirsten felt a tug of resistance against one of her ankles, and looked down to see a dirty shackle tethering her to a leg of the couch. Feeling around the leg, Kirsten gave a few experimental tugs on it before shifting so she'd be at the best angle to try and lift up the corner of the couch. She got her hands in place, legs stretched out in front of her and started straining, silently thanking her cardiobar class as the burning muscles in her arms quivering with the effort before she had the couch lifted enough to slide the shackle off. If she had a free hand.

Making a quick decision, Kirsten slid her free ankle under the couch and dropped it, giving her muscles a rest, biting her lip as the pain started in her ankle. She felt blood trickling down her chin, and could feel the cut where her teeth had sheared through her lip in an attempt to keep her from calling out, letting Rob know she was awake. She hurriedly scrambled at the shackle, finally getting it off the couch leg. Grimacing, bracing herself, Kirsten lifted the couch again and slid her ankle out, feeling a fresh flood of pain slide up her leg. She ignored it as best she could and slid out so that she could see the stairs and the hallway. Both looked clear. The shuffling upstairs had stopped, but she heard a low voice and knew Rob was up there. Lifting herself to barely responsive feet, Kirsten tried to suck the blood from her lip so she didn't leave a red trail. She used one hand on the floor, not able to balance on two legs alone, and the other hand to hold the shackle up so it wouldn't drag along the ground. At this point she was running on instinct; the injection had, again, left her shaky and unable to think clearly. She only knew that she needed to get out of this place. Moving frustratingly slowly, Kirsten made her way towards the back door and the sunlight beyond.

Ryan, with a little help from Seth, had hastily relocated the mattresses to the dining room, and everyone had shifted from the kitchen to the lounge room after Sandy had answered the door to an eager young police officer with the tape in his hand. With Ryan in control of the TV, a large, and silent, picture filled the room. It was an everyday servo, stocked with overpriced snacks, obscure CDs, motor accessories, sunglasses and novelty cigarette lighters. The clerk was looking out the window, pressing buttons on his computer to activate certain pumps. Then he looked towards the door where a large figure was entering the store, his arm around-

"Dad, it's her," breathed Seth. Unconsciously and almost as one entity, everyone leaned forward in their respective places, trying to get closer to the jumpy image on the screen. Kirsten had her eyes downcast as she walked in, her steps altered by Rob's arm. Sandy instinctively balled his hands into fists at the thought of that bastard's hands on his wife. He held his breath as they walked up to the clerk. Rob said something, and there was a wait while the clerk brought up the total on his computer. As Rob was giving him money, Kirsten's eyes flicked around the shop, landing on the security camera. It was as if she was looking straight out at them, and Sandy sensed the shiver he felt run through the room. She looked so vulnerable, so alone and so unprotected. She mouthed something at the camera before Rob, looking like an ordinary member of the public, smiled at the clerk and grabbed her shoulders again. He walked her out of the store, Kirsten's eyes immediately finding the ground again, before opening the door to the man Sandy had talked to that morning. In seconds they were out of the security camera's line of sight, and gone.

"Ryan, rewind it, to where she says something." Ryan obediently pointed the remote at the television and soon the image was whizzing backwards at a perilous speed, Rob and Kirsten walking backwards to the desk, the shared smiles between him and the clerk, Kirsten looking at the camera. Ryan pressed play and she mouthed the words again. Again, rewinding, again the silent words.

"Sandy, I love you." Everyone jumped as Summer's words broke both the silence and the concentration in the room.

"I can read lips." Seth was nodding beside her, as if to lend her statement some extra endorsement.

"She's saying Sandy, I love you." Summer was looking straight ahead at the television, glimmers of tears starting in her eyes. Sandy looked back at the television, wondered why he hadn't picked up on words that, for most of his life, had been daily affirmations for him. That he was still good enough, that he hadn't disappointed her too much, that he had someone to hold hands and be scared with when the world folded inward. Staring at the paused image of Kirsten in the distant service station, Sandy rubbed his eyes as he realised that the hands he so desperately needed to hold, the affirmation he hadn't received today, or yesterday might come now only in the form of a tape and a rewind button. Looking back up, into eyes that had been turned from blue to grey by the senseless camera, he knew. He knew she thought she wasn't coming back.

Kirsten stopped at the edge of the porch, where she was still in shade. The sudden movement of the small shuffle down the hallway and outside had left her breathless. She knew she couldn't linger here long without fear of Rob finding her gone before she could…

Kirsten's thoughts trailed off as she looked out at the matted bushland in front of her. The car was still there, but Kirsten knew Rob wouldn't be careless enough to leave the keys around. Besides, she couldn't risk the time it would take to go back inside and look.

Taking one last look behind her, she stepped onto the dirt track. Moving quicker, metabolising the drug at a higher rate the more she kept moving, Kirsten trusted her feet enough to try to run upright. Immediately they gave way and she face planted into a clump of grass at the edge of the road. Her reflexes weren't quick enough to let her put her arms out, and her teeth bit heavily through the undergrowth into the dirt. Gasping, Kirsten heaved herself up for the second time and crawled further into the bushland. She rested for a moment, trying to still her racing heart; she could practically feel the palpitations in her mouth.

"Fuck!" She heard the yell from inside the house, and weakly moved further into the bush. She looked around for a place to hide, but couldn't see anything promising before an idea grabbed her.

When they'd still lived in Berkeley, she, Seth and Sandy had used to play hide and seek in the backyard. There had been trees planted there, and Seth had climbed up one to hide. She and Sandy hunted for what felt like hours, each passing minute becoming more concerned until they were both frantic with the thought that Seth, though it was expressly forbidden, had wandered into the neighbourhood to find a hiding place. They were both turned, looking at the gate for signs that a five year old had been through there recently when there was a thump and a surprised cry from behind them. Seth had waited so long that he'd fallen asleep in the tree, lost his grip and come tumbling down. Sandy and Kirsten had raced to the hospital with an unconcerned Seth, he proclaiming all the time that he'd found the 'ultimate hiding place'. Of course, they'd banned him from tree climbing until they could trust him enough not to fall asleep up there.

Now, Kirsten looked around above here. Five meters away there was a tree that looked like it had enough foliage to shelter her. She didn't know that she'd be able to climb it in the state she was in, but it was the only choice she had. Delicately moving herself over the grass, trying not to create a trail that he could follow, Kirsten got herself to the bottom of the tree as she heard the back door bang open, and the unmistakeable sound of a bullet being chambered. Muscles protesting anew, breath quickening and sounding too loud, fingernails breaking and bloodying on the bark, her body heavy and useless beneath her, Kirsten started to pull herself upwards.

**As always, please feed the writer; reviews coveted.**


	12. Footsteps

_To everyone who has been waiting for this; I'm deeply sorry. My muse vanished, and my free time was cluttered. I apologise to you. Enjoy._

_Playlist: Friend is a four-letter word by Cake : The Weight Just Right by Peabody : Heaven Forbid by The Fray_

"Hey, Kirsten… Honey…" Kirsten could hear him walking to the left of where she was. Already, her legs were beginning to cramp up from being in the same position. She'd managed to move herself around so she was mostly hidden by branches and foliage, but she was wary of the strength in her arms; whether they could hold or up or if she'd fall out of the tree, alert Rob to her position. Earn herself a bullet, or worse; more of what she'd already had.

"Bitch!" She could hear the anger growing in his voice as it got closer to her hiding place. From what she could tell, he was circling the brush a metre or so in from the drive. She hoped there was an animal track that he'd stumble across, think was her, before he came to the marks she was sure to have made when she dragged herself through the dirt. She could just imagine him following the trail, stopping at the tree… Looking upwards, into her eyes.

"No." Kirsten breathed the word more than said it. She wasn't going to die here. Taken at the hands of a psychopath, when she'd just been trying to help a friend. Stolen from her family when she'd just come back to them.

"Little bitch. Fucking whore. Goddamn slutty cunt." She could hear him murmuring swear words at her under his breath, and she bit her lip, reopening the previous wound, held her breath, squeezed her eyes closed. The sudden darkness brought her Sandy, recalled from her memory. He was standing on the beach, watching the waves. It was the first time they'd come to visit her family, and he had been overwhelmed by the wealth she'd lived in. He'd found solace in the emptiness of the ocean, and finally she'd tracked him down there. They'd sat silently, holding hands. She told him she was happier in the mail truck, and he laughed, held her, told her he'd love her even if she wanted him to buy her the world. They'd watched the sun set together before they'd walked back to the house, found it empty. A note from her mother told of dinner in the next suburb, the possibility they'd be late. Kirsten had smiled, led Sandy to her old bedroom, made love to him in the same room that had kept her trapped all those years. And she never felt more free there than she had when she was with Sandy.

"Fuck!" Kirsten opened her eyes, realised that Rob had passed her by, was back at the porch of the house. He disappeared inside again, and she moved her head to be able to see the back door through a small break in the softly rustling leaves. Slow moments passed, and she gingerly reclenched her fingers on the tree, hissing softly when the move released a new wave of pain through her broken nails, her aching muscles. The only part of her body that didn't have some kind of ache was her eyeballs, but they felt gritty from drug induced sleep.

Rob reappeared at the doorway, and a flash of light of something in his hand made Kirsten squint, try to figure out what he was holding. She could see the gun tucked in the back of his pants as he walked around the side of the house. There were another few minutes of silence before she heard the unmistakeable sound of her car starting. He meshed the gears switching from reverse to drive too quickly before, engine squealing, the sound subsided into the distance. Kirsten sucked in air, finally able to breath normally. She gulped at the air, feeling her breath quicken until she was gasping, feeling more suffocated than she had when she was breathing lightly. She closed her eyes again, bit her lip, concentrated on slowing her breathing down. In time, she was able to draw a normal breath. The next project was getting herself out of the tree. The sudden movement of her muscles, before the just as sudden stillness had cramped them, and each movement was a new piece of agony. Biting her lip hard enough to draw blood, she tried to think of something else, anything to take her mind off the pain. Ironic that the only more pain made her care less about the other pain.

Unable to stop herself dropping the last five feet, Kirsten landed on the ground heavily, winding herself. Already light headed from the last hyperventilation attack, she lay on the ground, waited until the world stopped spinning before she pulled herself up to an awkward sitting position.

She listened, waited. For all she knew, he'd driven off to draw her out of the bush. He could have doubled back on foot to be waiting for her, gun cocked, aim steady, ready to cut her down as she headed across the open space of the drive.

Steeling herself, Kirsten got herself to her feet, leant against the tree. Her head was clearing more as the minutes ticked by, and she had two thoughts in her head; Joni, and the chance of freedom. If she could make it back to the house, check on her then get them both out of here before he got back…

Kirsten sprinted across the drive as fast as her legs would permit. At this point, she had the wildly left wing thought that all those cardio bar classes had worked out. Making it to the door alive, she sucked the blood from the bottom lip as she pulled it open and stepped back inside.

"Sir, phone call," the police officer interrupted the silent room and Sandy took his head out of his hands, looked up before wearily taken the phone. Every phone call was both good and bad; he wanted desperately to hear that they'd found her, that she was alive, but secretly he could feel that they were one step behind with every twist in the case, and that one of these calls Katy would tell him they were sorry, there was nothing they could do, his wife wasn't coming home to them.

"Sandy, Katy. A patrol just called us from Dehisce. They've spotted the car and they're going to follow it." Sandy stood, ran a hand through his hair stepped past everyone to the kitchen, unaware of all eyes following him.

"I'm getting a chopper to take me there now. They're going to keep him in sight until I get there."

"I need to come."

"Sandy, I don't think-."

"Damnit, I'm going to be there. You think she's going to want to see only strangers?" Sandy could hear his breathing quicken, and he waited out Katy's silence. He could already feel the refusal building on the other end of the line, and he could sympathise with her decision. They didn't even know if they were going to find Kirsten, and what state she'd be in. Dead, or barely alive…

"I need to be there." Sandy almost whispered the words, and Katy sighed.

"Tell the officer to get you to HQ in under five minutes. Tell him lights and sirens are authorized. More than five minutes, and you miss the chopper." Sandy flipped the phone shut, handed it back to the officer.

"You've got under five minutes to get me to your office. You make me miss the chopper and you'll regret it."

"Dad, what is it? What's happening?" Seth and Ryan were both standing, had moved closer to the doorway to overhear the phone conversation.

"They found the car. We're going to fly there."

"Well, we want to come." Sandy looked at them; they'd followed him down the hall, and shook his head.

"No. Stay here and keep the phone near you. As soon as I know anything- anything- I'll call." Sensing them both about to break into protest, Sandy put his hand on each shoulder.

"We don't… We don't know what state she's in. Your mother won't want you to see her like that." Sandy dropped his hands, nodding at each of them.

"I'll call you."

Kirsten ran up the stairs, avoiding the bottom stairs where her blood had pooled and soaked into the wood, creating black stains. The shackle that was still on her leg bumped up the stairs and she winced at every sound, but didn't slow down. She opened the first door and found a room with boarded up windows, a bed with bare springs, no Joni. The second door revealed the main bedroom; Joni was lying on her stomach, naked, with her hands cuffed behind her. Kirsten came in, knowing he was gone but checking in the adjoining bathroom for any sign of Rob. She didn't see anyone at the dirty sink, no one reflected in the mirror, waiting for her.

"Joni," Kirsten spoke quietly, wary of a trap, as she knelt down beside her friend, brushed her hair out of her face to reveal a swollen shut eye. Her other eye, only just visible past the faded mattress, was also closed.

"Joni," Kirsten whispered more urgently, shaking her friend. Her arm was frigid, the open window supplying chilly air to the room, despite the waning sunlight outside. Joni's limbs shook, the cuffs rattling slightly, still unstirring. Kirsten didn't know how long they had before Rob came back. She kept pausing, letting the room drop back to a breathless stillness, listening for the distant purr of a car engine that would alert her to his return. She only hoped that he would drive it as callously back as he'd driven it out, otherwise she wouldn't have much chance to hear it. Unfortunately, Porches' were built for speed and silence, both of which made her wish she drove a rattling VW with a bad fan belt.

"Joni, get up, c'mon." Kirsten turned Joni onto her side, leant her head down to listen. Kirsten could hear nothing, felt no warm exhalations on her skin. She tilted Joni's head up, pushed her fingers into her neck, trying to feel a pulse, any sign of life, willing Joni to cough, scream, anything.

There was nothing. Kirsten slid to the ground, her knees unwilling to support her. She dully turned Joni back over, tried to stem the tears that were flowing down her cheeks, creating tracks through the dried blood. She angrily wiped her eyes, unmindful of the blood that clung to her fingers, pushed her hair back. She'd never felt such an intense hatred for anyone. She hated Rob with a feeling that eclipsed red hotness and moved into the white zone. She hated him for what he'd done to Joni, what he'd done to her. Kirsten got up, running only on the adrenaline that had begun pumping through her system. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten. She'd had some water that morning, when she'd been showering.

The only thing that was big enough to cover Joni was a soiled sheet, pooled untidily on the floor. Kirsten shook her head, dropped it back to the floor. Joni deserved more. She went to the cupboard and opened it, pulling at the clothes inside. There was nothing big enough. Moving to the bathroom, Kirsten looked behind the door and found a small cupboard. She found two towels, carried them back to Joni. Laying them gently over her friend, she kissed her quickly on the cheek before covering her face. She didn't want to leave her like this, didn't want to leave her naked and alone and so cold, but she wasn't strong enough to carry her anywhere. When she found someone, got some help, she'd bring them back here, make them get Joni.

Kirsten quickly looked around the room, hoping to find some kind of weapon, a key for her handcuffs. She pawed through the bedside drawers, and came out with nothing. Probably Rob had taken anything useful with him. Remembering that there were knives in the kitchen, Kirsten went back to the stairs. She paused at the top. Nothing stirred below, and she quickly ran down, jumping, again, over the last few stairs. She rustled through kitchen drawers and found, among other terrifying things, a rusty saw in the third draw that she might be able to cut through her shackle with. She sank to the floor and started sawing. After the third attempt of drawing blood, Kirsten threw the saw aside and curled her knees closer to her, pushing her back harder into the cupboard. She pushed her bloody hands at her eyes, trying to stem the tears. It wasn't just the pain, the new cuts that were joining the rest of her body in demanding attention. It was not being able to save Joni, despite playing along with Rob's game. It was not seeing Sandy again, or having to go back to him as damaged goods. It was waking up in the middle of a nightmare and realising you were still in it.

Quenching her self pity, Kirsten drew herself back to her feet. She took a knife out of the sink and held it in her hand as she moved back out into the hallway. She'd let her concentration lapse, and had stopped listening for a minute. It wasn't long, but it was enough for Rob to have driven back, be walking to the house…

Moving towards the doorway quietly, Kirsten stopped again. She thought she'd heard… She retreated, trusting her instincts. Trying to breath as softly as possible, Kirsten stood near the stairs, motionless, as she heard the first footstep on the step outside.

"They're following him to a rural address. They're in an unmarked, hanging back so they don't spook him. These guys know the area, though. There's a few uninhabited houses in there."

"How long until we get there?" Sandy pushed the foot button in the chopper so his voice filtered through the headphones to Katy. She looked at her watch, gave him ten fingers. He could feel the knot of nervousness and fear in his stomach coiling and uncoiling with each swoop of the helicopter. They were in a military chopper; one that had, luckily, been around for a training exercise. Commandeering it had been as easy as dropping Kirsten's maiden name. Although Caleb was gone, and the money had amounted to nothing, it still carried enough weight for them; him, Katy, two paramedics and two other officers, to be whizzing through the air at a remarkable speed.

Sandy looked out over the darkening landscape, the shadowed hollows and lit mountains. God, he wanted her to be okay.

"How long has it been?" Seth threw the hacky sack in the air and caught it again. Ryan looked at his watch, his voice taught when he answered.

"Ten minutes since you last asked."

"Why hasn't he called yet? They've got to know something now. I'm going to call him-."

"Keep the line clear, Seth. They're probably still in the helicopter. He has to have it off when they're in the air." Seth sat up from his place on the floor, back to the carpet, legs propped up on the couch. He swung his legs down, looked around the room. Marissa and Summer, realising Ryan and Seth wanted to be alone, had retreated to the patio which was, for once, vacated of all police presence. Julie was somewhere else in the house, making herself scarce.

"Ryan, Dad's going to bring her home, isn't he. I mean, he couldn't bring her back from rehab but…"

"It's different. She's going to come back." Ryan nodded as he finished Seth's thought, leant back more heavily into the couch. He picked up the phone, shifted it from hand to hand, put it back on the arm of the couch.

"She's going to come back," he repeated, before he checked his watch again.

The chopper landed in the middle of a corn field that was absent of crops. There were two cars parked, waiting for them. The wind and whine of the slowing helicopter blades propelled them into the unmarked cars, which more likely had been commandeered from locals, or belonged to the two cops who drove them. Sandy and Katy drove out first, the paramedics and officers following behind.

"They've been following him. Radio's been sketchy, something about the air in this place, but they're about eight miles in." The officer spoke as they turned down an almost invisible road, bumped past some empty mailboxes before making another turn. Sandy leant forward in his seat, his breath quickening, as the bush suddenly opened up to reveal a shadowy house.

"What was that?" Katy leant forward as something appeared to fall from the second storey of the house. The radio burst out with garbled static, making them all jump, before a message was transmitted.

"Got him. Suspect is cuffed and cleared. Checking house." The officer in the driver's seat let them know the message was received.

"God, it's…" Katy was scrambling to undo her seatbelt and open the door as Sandy was straight out. It was Kirsten who had fallen- jumped- out of the window, and who had streaked across the road in front of them, eyes wide, face bloody, hair matted.

"Kirsten." Sandy stumbled, caught his balance and started following his wife.

At the first hint of a footstep, Kirsten had bolted up the stairs. She knew it wasn't the wisest move, but all of the windows she had a chance of reaching on the bottom floor were boarded up, bolted shut, useless as escape routes. The only window she'd seen that was open was the one in the same room as Joni; probably left open since there was no chance of Joni being able to get up and jump out of it. Kirsten heard shouting downstairs, but the new surge of adrenaline drowned it out with the sound of blood pumping through her ears. She bolted through the main bedroom door and was out the window before she had a chance to think about what she'd done. The pain at the bottom of the drop brought it home, and Kirsten spent another moment catching her breath. Luckily, in her childhood her mother had made her do gymnastics as well as ballet. The first thing she'd learnt in gymnastics was how to fall without hurting yourself. Somehow, instinct had kicked in and she'd plummeted like a rag doll, letting all of her body absorb the fall instead of fighting against the landing.

"Get up. Get up!" Kirsten managed to mutter the words under her breath, somehow got herself moving. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, but it was enough to get her across the road, into the safeness and the hiding places in the brush. It had saved her once already.

"Kirsten." She thought she heard her name, dismissed it. The world was a blur, and she could've sworn that she'd seen a car that looked different to hers. That was probably a hallucination; side effect of whatever Rob had injected her with.

"Kirsten." There it was again. But it didn't sound like Rob, it sounded like Sandy. Confused, Kirsten told her body to turn a moment before she expected, and the momentum of the turn with the simultaneous running she was still attempting threw her to the ground. Looking through her hair, Kirsten could see nothing more than feet coming for her and she back-pedalled, hands clutching at the ground, knife lost somewhere as she tried to get up, keep running, get away.

"Kirsten, baby, it's me. It's Sandy." She was scrambling away from him, her eyes still aimed towards his shins. He tried to walk slowly, be as unthreatening as he could be. Her eyes flicked suddenly up, and recognition flared behind the terror.

"Baby, it's me."

"Sandy?" Her voice was soft, husky in her throat as if her throat was rubbed raw. There was blood smeared across her face and through her hair. Her bottom lip was swollen and there was a cut in it that was still bleeding, creating red rivulets that made it as far down as her shirt, soaked into a sticky mess at the collar.

Sandy dropped to his knees, coming to eye level with her. She'd ceased her scrambling, but her hands were still behind her, her body still tensed, muscles quivering. She looked like a thoroughbred filly that had just finished a maiden race; eyes widened, pulse racing, heart fluttering beneath her skin.

Then she sobs, and Sandy feels his heart break a little. It isn't the sob of children, when their ice cream falls out of the cone, or the sob of a woman who has found out her son has lost his leg in the war. It is something far deeper, a sob that sounded as if it could come from her very soul.

"Shh." Sandy moves closer, and she lets him. He sits in the dirt next to her and pushes her hair back from her face before she falls into his shoulder. His arms fold around her, and she feels as if she's lost weight in the few days she was gone. He's sure that's not all she's lost, and his arms tighten around her, pull her as close to him as possible, as if that will bring her back to the moment when he left the kitchen so long ago. When she'd been morning fresh and carefree and about to sit down and reminisce with a friend.

"Baby, shh." Sandy feels his tears join hers, except his don't create tracks in dried blood on his face, the way hers do.

"Sandy, you've got to let the paramedics examine her." Katy has somehow arrived there, along with the two paramedics, who are holding their bags and looking official, although their eyes tell a different story.

Kirsten lets them use alcohol to rub her face clean so they can see the contusions, and she lets them clean the chafing on her wrist and the deep cuts on her feet and ankles, but she stops them touching her clothing, and she stops them taking Sandy so far away that she doesn't have any body contact with him. He complies with the last request, and keeps a hand folded into hers at all time.

"We're going to take her back to the chopper. She's got to be flown to hospital. We can call ahead to Newport, have them ready and waiting." Katy talked quietly to Sandy as the paramedics were finishing, and the mention of a phone call reminded him of Seth and Ryan.

"Your phone?" Sandy asks. He has to wait until they get Kirsten back to the car. She looks at the house as they reverse away before closing her eyes and resting her head on Sandy's chest while they bump back down the road. Misdialling twice because of the tremor in his fingers, Sandy finally manages to call home.

Seth and Ryan both jumped as the phone rang. They'd been mentally preparing themselves for it for the last hour; both convincing themselves everything was going to be okay. And now, in the next thirty seconds, they could find out if their fears had been realised or if their prayers were about to be answered.

"Dad?" Seth answered the phone, leaned over so Ryan could hear as well. Summer and Marissa appeared at the doorway, and Julie leant herself against the other doorway, looking worried but hopeful.

"And? Where? How long? Meet you there." Seth pressed the end button on the phone and threw it on the floor. Ignoring his comments in the past about brotherly love that's too expressive, he grabbed Ryan and hugged him.

"They've got her. She's okay… Well… They're flying her to the hospital here. They'll be there in half an hour." Julie clapped her hands, and made her way to Kirsten and Sandy's bedroom, intent on packing a bag for Kirsten.

"Oh my god, that's great." Marissa walked over to Ryan, sat on the couch arm beside him, let her arms drape around him. Summer squealed, jumped on Seth.

"We've got to get to the hospital… Ryan, you can drive Dad's car can't you? Julie's packing her bag… Do you think she'll be hungry? I could pack some snacks. Maybe she wants some…" Seth let his babbling trail off, and looked over to Ryan. Their eyes met, and they both smiled. She was coming home.

_Probably only one more chapter to go. It will be kind of sad, but a relief to get this fic finished. It started out with me just wanting to show a character from Kirsten's past before Rob wrote himself in and kind of stole the show (in an evil kind of way). Please review; let me know if I wrapped it up in the way you hoped. And open the window, look outside; it's a beautiful day/night outside. Stretch, eat some chocolate, decide to try something new. Life is waiting for you._

_J._


	13. Me too

_Dedication: This chapter is for Marcia C. : Happy Birthday!_

"Dude, you're going to wear a track in the carpet." Seth and Ryan had arrived at the hospital and had themselves pointed in the direction that aircraft arrivals would enter from. The minutes had been counting down, and in any minute, Kirsten was going to come through the door.

"Look out." A bed was rolled past them, and Ryan stood hard against the wall to allow enough room. The nurses propelling it went straight out the door as the whump of helicopter blades could be heard overhead. Seth and Ryan shared a look as they both scrambled to follow the nurses outside.

The helicopter landed and it felt like an age before Kirsten was handed out, laid on the bed. Sandy jumped out straight after her, clutched the hand that was reaching out for him. Ryan and Seth broke away from the doorway and ran over to the bed. It was already moving when they got to it, and they walked fast to keep up with it.

"Kirsten, the boys are here," Sandy's tone was gentle, but he had to speak loudly to be heard over the departing chopper. Kirsten's eyes took a moment before they turned, rested on Seth and Ryan. Her pupils looked dilated, and there was a drip coming out of the back of one hand.

"Hey…" She spoke as if it was an effort, and the hand that reached out to them had broken and bloody fingers, the wrist circled with raw bleeding skin. Both boys paused before touching her, not wanting to hurt her, and before they could make the decision to risk the pain for the sake of making contact she was gone, wheeled into a lift, nurses shooing them out as the doors firmly shut. They watched as the patient elevator number stopped on the fifth floor. The door to the stairs was open, and Seth and Ryan bounded up to the fifth floor, arriving just to see Sandy and Kirsten disappearing into a private examination room.

"That's my Mom." Seth said to the nurse who blocked him. The stern expression was readjusted to one of empathy, but she still didn't let them in. A police photographer arrived, and was let in while Ryan and Seth loitered. A few minutes after that, Sandy came out.

"She didn't want me in there while he took the photos. God…" Sandy dropped to a crouch on the floor, rested his head in his hands.

"But, she's okay, right?"

"She'll get better." Sandy nodded, looking up to Seth and Ryan. He didn't want to tell them about the bruises on her chest, the livid purple that he'd caught sight of on her thighs as he left the room. They were Kirsten's bruises, her choice to reveal or keep a secret. Whatever she decided, she knew they were there for her. Sandy just hoped he'd never have to see those photos.

"Someone will be back to take a statement tomorrow, either here or at your house. She wants to go home tonight." The photographer nodded at them, left. Sandy, Seth and Ryan pushed open the door to the hospital room, tentatively walked in. She was perched on the edge of the bed, arguing weakly with the nurse who, despite her considerably better emotional and physical state, seemed to be losing.

"Well, get the doctor then. They can examine me now, then I can go."

"I don't think that's a good idea-."

"Why don't you let the doctor decide that?" Her voice was still recovering, still husky. Kirsten was still there though, and her eyes tracked the nurse out before resting on the three men standing in the doorway. Immediately her eyes brightened and they came further in, crowding around her. She kicked her legs gently, annoyed at not being able to get up. The nurse had given her an ultimatum; get up and try to walk out of here herself, and she was going to be in for a week, no arguments. The shackle was still on her ankle, and everyone's eyes looked down as it dragged across the floor, made a sound not unlike the clanking of bones. Kirsten tucked it behind her other ankle, out of sight. Her eyes told Sandy not to ask. He could tell she was just barely holding it together; probably mainly for the boys who were looking scared enough as it was at her the battered parts of her that weren't covered by the hospital gown she'd been hustled into.

"Glad you're back, Mom." Seth sat gingerly on the bed, letting her in on the understatement of the year. Days of trying not to think the worst had taken their toll; Seth knew his eyes would look as red rimmed as his Ryan's and his Dad's. How they looked, though, was nothing compared to Kirsten. Katy had mentioned to them all that when Kirsten was found, they might need to brace themselves.

"We brought you some clothes…" Ryan dropped the bag at the end of the bed, was rewarded with a small smile from Kirsten before she thought of something.

"Did they get Joni? Did they get her out of the house?" Kirsten suddenly grabbed Sandy's wrist, making herself wince. She released her grip a little but kept holding on, eyes questioning. He looked at her pupils. Before, they'd been large; now they'd shrunk down to a smaller size.

"They got her." A whispered phone conversation between Katy and her immediate boss had resulted in her requesting an ME van to transport Joni's body back to Newport, where an autopsy would be done. Sandy had looked questioningly at Katy, who'd shaken her head. Obviously Joni didn't make it. It had made him shiver, clutch Kirsten's hand tighter. If they hadn't found her…

"Mrs Cohen." A Doctor came in, lab coat impeccable. Kirsten dropped her grip on Sandy's wrist, nodded.

"I'm Dr. Sarah Smith. Here to do an exam; see if you can go home. We'll do a ra-." She paused, looked around at the family members gathered by the bed.

"It might be better if you wait outside." Kirsten nodded around at them again as they reluctantly left the room. The doctor waited until the door was shut behind them before she started talking again.

"The paramedics examined you in flight, but we're going to have to do some portable x-rays. We would like to keep you in tonight to monitor it, though."

"I just… I want to go home." Kirsten had laid back on the bed and she looked at the ceiling.

"Under the circumstances, home might be the best place for you. But I've got to do an exam to see that it would be safe to send you home." It was obvious why the nurse had sent for this doctor; she was soft spoken and seemed familiar, though Kirsten hadn't met her before.

"Did he rape you?" Sarah asked the question gently as she put on gloves. A nurse rolled a tray in, covered with a sterile cloth. Kirsten watched the nurse leave before she nodded, slowly.

"I'm going to have to do a rape kit. If you feel uncomfortable while I'm doing it, just tell me to stop. I'll also take some swabs so we can test for STDs. I'm going to cut that shackle off your ankle as well, with a bone saw. It might sound a little loud. Tell me to stop if it gets too much."

"I just want it off." Kirsten wished she hadn't drawn Seth and Ryan's attention to it. They didn't need to even imagine thoughts of what she'd been through.

"Okay. That first, then." Sarah put some protective goggles on and started the saw. Five minutes later, she had the shackle sealed in a plastic bag, ready to be sent to the police. Fifteen minutes after that, the rape kit was done. Sarah drew blood quickly and saw other needle marks on the pale, bruised skin.

"Did he inject you with anything?" She put the blood, in its vials, on a tray.

"Yes. I don't know what. It made me black out." Sarah wrote a note to go with the blood, asking that a tox screen be run. She sent it and the shackle outside with the same nurse who had brought the rape kit. Another nurse appeared, briefly, rolling with her a portable x-ray machine.

"Is there anywhere in particular that you need me to check?" Sarah had donned a heavy vest to shield her from the radiation the x-ray machine was putting out and was positioning the machine over Kirsten's abdomen.

"My fingers... Hurt. Maybe my feet. Ribs." Efficiently, Sarah snapped off several films. Kirsten coughed as the x-ray machine was being wheeled out so the films could be developed. Sarah looked concerned and held a stethoscope to her chest.

"Did you get water in your lungs at all?" Kirsten coughed again, remembered the sound of the bathwater she'd thrashed about in, the lungful of it that had been breathed in while she was seeking oxygen.

"Yes." She didn't want to offer details. Sarah wrote something else on the lengthy chart she'd already made notations on.

"I need to disinfect your wounds further and check the x-rays to see what needs to be done. Usually, you wouldn't take a shower before that, but under the circumstances..." Sarah raised her eyebrows and Kirsten nodded. She wanted the scent of the place off her, the scent of him.

Sarah snapped off her gloves and tossed them in the bin. She got a new hospital gown from the drawer and hung it in the bathroom. Coming back, she had to help Kirsten out of bed and into the shower, rolling her drip behind her, where there was a chair.

"Do you need help-?"

"No." Kirsten's answer was immediate, and Sarah nodded. She was a doctor; distancing herself was part of the job, but cases like this were so much harder. Sarah had winced when she'd seen the bruising on her thighs, the shackle hanging off her ankle, still dripping with blood.

"I'll be waiting in your room when you come out." Kirsten turned on the hot water almost before the door was shut. She left the shower curtain open; having it shut would make her want to watch for silhouettes outside, for Rob, coming to get her. Adjusting the water and taking off the hospital gown, Kirsten stepped under the spray and leant against the wall, watching as the water found its way down the plughole in a swirl of pale crimson.

"She had a... There was a fucking _shackle_ on her ankle." Ryan, who had rarely sworn since moving in with the Cohens, was the first to speak in the hallway. His balled fists made it clear he wanted to hit something, in place of somebody. Sandy put a hand on his arm, waited until he felt the muscles under his hand lose some of their tension.

"How was it there?" Seth asked his question a few moments later, and Sandy, letting go of Ryan to sink into a chair, sighed.

"I didn't go into the house. She… We got her in the bush. She'd managed to get out, and he'd driven away, looking for her. The police followed him back, caught him as he got to the house." Inside the house was something Sandy would leave to his imagination. Most of the windows he could see had been boarded up, and the shackle on Kirsten's ankle as well as the cuts and bruises on her wrists told him she'd been tied up, probably in the dark, probably alone. He hoped she'd been alone.

"Joni?" Ryan asked. Sandy shook his head.

"Didn't make it." There was silence as they all considered the ramifications of this. None of them were going to admit it, but they were all glad it was Joni and not Kirsten.

"Hey." Katy arrived in the hallway, nodded to all of them. She was followed by a nurse who knocked on the exam door, was handed out a tray by Dr. Smith. She snagged the shackle off it, handed it to Katy.

"Right. Thanks." Katy put it in a pocket of her coat.

"How is she?" She was looking at Sandy, and he shrugged.

"We don't know." Katy walked from one side of the hallway to the other. It was obvious she wasn't good at waiting.

"We found who owns the house; a local man. He hasn't been seen for some time, but no one found that unusual. He was a hermit, apparently. Although we are now looking into signs of foul play." Katy checked her watch, paced again.

They all stood when the doctor came out of the room. Before they could ask, she started talking.

"I have to check the x-rays, but so far there's nothing to indicate to me that she can't go home tonight when her IV is finished." Sandy nodded as Sarah directed the last of this to him.

"I'm going to recommend she sees a psychiatrist. With something like this, it's usually easier for the patient to talk to someone distanced from the situation." Sarah dug in her pocket, came up with a card that she handed to Sandy.

"This is who I recommend. I have to check the x-rays, but I'll be back shortly to bandage her wounds. She's showering at the moment."

"You'll call me?" Katy asked Sarah. The Doctor nodded as she walked away.

"Sandy, I'll come around tomorrow to take a statement." Katy nodded her goodbye to the boys before she, too, walked away.

"I'll go check on her. Wait here." Sandy left Ryan and Seth in the hallway and entered the hospital room again. The sheet on the bed was slightly wrinkled and the door to the small bathroom was closed, the shower audible from where he stood.

When he opened the door, the shower curtain was open and he saw her sitting on the chair in the shower, her knees pulled up to her chest. Her hair was a stream of gold down her back, hiding the bruises he knew must lurk under there.

"Kirsten." Sandy said softly. He walked further into the bathroom, wanting her to look at him, not wanting to startle her.

"Baby..." He walked around to her front, turning the shower down to a manageable trickle. She reached out a hand and he took it, seeing the blood still on it. He reached for a wash cloth and gently kneaded it between her knuckles and over her delicate phalanges, washing away the evidence he could see until her skin was clear of blood. He unclipped the shower from the wall and trained the hot spray on her hand. Gently he washed her other hand, and then her arms. There were handprints on her, and other bruises that were shapes he couldn't make out. Her wrists he took care with, making sure he didn't touch the deep gouges in her skin. She'd been away long enough that they'd started to heal, where she hadn't reopened them, probably in struggle.

She moved her head numbly to each side so he could wash her throat. Her pulse beat steadily below the surface, and he was glad to see it, past the patina of bruises that outlined her windpipe.

He washed down her sides and pushed her hair aside to wash her back. Her breasts were bruised and looked so different to the pale, perfect mounds of flesh he'd caressed the night before she left.

Her feet he washed, the soles studded with wounds from her foray into the stick trailed floor of the bush. Her ankles were bloodied, and one still oozed slightly, the blood light pink, then lighter still until the water ran clear.

He washed her legs, and bit his lip as he saw the fading bruises there, the scrape marks that led higher on her thighs.

Finally, she looked up at him and he got a new washcloth from the supply on the sink edge, wet it under the shower's warm water. He dabbed at her lips, her perfect cheekbones and wiped away the tears that came. She hadn't met his eyes then, but now she did and he saw the trust in them. She'd laid herself out before him, making sure there were no secrets. They'd had secrets, and it had hurt them both. Now, when he could have easily let her go into lockdown for her own sake, let her keep this dark secrets to herself if it made her feel better; now more than ever he loved her for trusting him with this horrible reality, for letting him know this was something they were going to face together.

Finally, he turned the shower off. The sudden silence was surprising. Sandy dropped the washcloth in the sink and got a towel from the hook near the door. He wiped her down as best he could while she was sitting, towel dried her hair until it was only just damp. He tossed the towel aside and grabbed the fresh hospital gown. Gently manipulating her limbs into it, Sandy tied the back. Done, he ran a hand down Kirsten's face, drew her eyes up to him.

"I love you." He said simply. She half smiled, pulled herself up towards him and stood with him for a moment, letting his arms rest around her, roaming for a spot where they could embrace her without pushing on a bruise or cut.

"If you hadn't come home..." Sandy whispered in her ear. Kirsten ran a hand lightly up his neck until it was tangled in his hair, making him shiver.

"You kept me alive." She said. He didn't know what she meant but he dropped a kiss on her neck and drew her closer.

Sarah was waiting in the room when they came out of the bathroom. She waited while Kirsten eased herself back onto the bed and pulled on a pair of gloves.

"I checked the X-rays and, surprisingly, there isn't any internal bleeding. Looks like there was an injury to your kidneys but it appears to be on the way to healing itself. It won't require any surgery." She carefully pulled one of Kirsten's hands towards her and laid it on a sterile sheet on the tray.

"You have two broken fingers." Sarah was splinting and bandaging them together as she spoke. Her hands worked quickly. Sandy wondered whether there was usually a nurse assisting, whether Katy had asked the staff to have as few unfamiliar faces as possible in the room.

"Your wrists are badly bruised and the contusions on your ankle mean I need to give you a tetanus booster. Your blood work came back, and it looks like a veterinary tranquiliser was used on you. It appears the dose was small enough that it didn't affect your kidneys. You have three broken ribs and a badly bruised windpipe." Sarah had been bandaging and applying ointment the whole time she talked. She put an adhesive patch over a particularly bad scrape mark on Kirsten's elbow then turned to get the tetanus needle ready.

"Katy Rivers, the detective who has been running your case, asked me if I could call her and give her the details for her report. Do you have any objections to this?" Kirsten shook her head and turned on her side for Sarah to administer the needle.

"I also brought a morning after pill. You don't need to take it, but I thought you might want..." Sarah paused as she handed it over, along with a glass of water. Kirsten looked at Sandy, briefly, before she tipped the pill into her mouth and swallowed. She'd seen nothing but love, underlying the worry that was still evident in the lines around his eyes.

"Thanks." Kirsten said to Sarah. Sarah took off her gloves and gave her hand a squeeze.

"I've filled a prescription for you, and included the repeat in the box. It's just an antibiotic for the bronchitis. There's also prescriptions for antiseptic ointment, which I suggest you keep applying to the worst cuts, and pain killers which you might need for the ribs. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes to take your drip out, then you'll be free to go home."

"Thank you, Doctor." Sandy said. Sarah looked up at him and nodded before leaving the room.

Hesitantly, two heads peeked around the doorway, and Sandy motioned them in.

"Hey." Kirsten said. They nodded their replies. Seth started to grab her hand but stopped when he saw the wrapped fingers, the bandaged wrist, the broken fingernails.

"It's okay." Kirsten reached for him, grabbed his hand.

"Missed you," he said. She squeezed his hand, looked over at Ryan. He gave her a smile.

"I'm glad you're home," he said. She nodded, made room for him to sit on the bed.

"Me, too." She looked around at them all, the faces that she'd thought of in her darkest moments, the faces that she still had to conjure now, in her mind, when she shut her eyes for too long and was transported back to that house.

"Me, too."

_I'm not sure if I'll do another chapter of Kirsten getting home, or if I'll leave it here. I would like to explore the psychological impact of her recounting the events, but who knows when that will be completed? Writing hasn't been on top of my list of things to do lately, unfortunately, so I apologise in advance if it takes some time to be completed. Meantime, thanks so much for reading; and if you've been there since the beginning, then I owe you a huge amount of gratitude. _


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